It proved a shocker for the Reaper in Swedeland 2019, with their lowest death rate in history. With thousands missing out on the traditions of the Season, the hopes of inheritors were put on hold for months as our maskless friend waited patiently with His scythe for all the doddery fuckers carried over, silently muttering 'Better late than ever'.
But with all these freebies, to end 2020 with a feebler performance than 2018, led to criticism from higher up. 'I reckon I could kill more people' said Mr Ferguson.
With hospital deaths way down, and stay at home safe deaths way up, the ONS agreed that on this occasion, Mr Ferguson was indeed 'mostly right'.
'We always wondered what would happen if you stopped medicine, and now, thanks to Imperial College, at last we know'.
With half the beds, but somehow more people, NHS authorities wondered if it was a good time to have 40k staff off isolating. 'We could get them back with more accurate testing, but that would give away the fact of our reverse-homeopathy scheme. Perhaps it's better just to let them die, and hope noone can count'.
As mask fans pondered the difference between nano and micro, and fluid mechanics boffins wondered if a breeze could travel more than 2 metres, but not onto a swab, the behavioural experts in mediaeval superstition at SAGE eclipsed the Pharoahs in population management technique by zooming in on some lines they'd drawn up and down.
'Noone will think of us and a shotgun in the same sentence. If it ain't hurting, it ain't working is not a view held professionally by anaesthetists, but as long as noone sees the graph you're about to do, the no correlation lockdown shotgun pattern should remain secret'.
The future being amongst the hardest of things to predict, we contacted Nostradamus via medium, to ask just how many millions we would kill for nothing before noticing. He gave a typically cryptic and ambiguous response, yet to be fully decoded:- 'Christ! you're still dull as fuck. I didn't see that coming'.
The first graph has since been 'adjusted' to a more acceptable 9.5 for 2020. But nothing can save Fergie. The second graph has disappeared.
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