The Many Super Reasons to Pretend in God

From the tooth and claw of the Savannah, to the playing fields at Oundle, 'survival of the shrillest' has moulded the evolution of the New Atheists. But has their militant stridency blinded us to the many super reasons to pretend in God? Have we perhaps missed the nuanced insights of our cruciphiliac friends? Have we overlooked the genius of sophisticated feelogians such as D'Souza and WLC and that bumbling taffy twat? Let us consider now the many super reasons to pretend in God:-

1) The Somethingfromnothing and the genocide handbook

It must be hard to bother to make something from nothing, especially when there are no laws of Physics to prevent it happening without you. -1+1 is a tricky sum requiring a supernatural magic mind beyond our comprehension. What then if your fingers were invisible? If you couldn't see your hands? Why then even a book would be difficult to make. Not that it wasn't a super idea, to make a book when you can speak directly into people's minds – the whole world at once! - to make a book when no one can read? It was a super idea, and you could have managed it, but dictator seemed more your natural role.

2) The miracle of Life

Life from non-life takes scientists many hours, yet you needed only 1 god-day to do it! And you made more than a mere cell, which doesn't count at all. You made all the beasts of the land and the fishes of the sea. Each one sub-optimal even within the laws of physics and improvable with a moment's thought, but nonetheless a super day's work. And fun too! You know – when the teeth go in the zebra! When the worm goes in the eye! 0.01% species success rate! Although so far everything's died.

3) Absolute Morality and Forgiveness

Imagine life without God's absolute morality standard that lets us say torturing children is right! Without the God-given logic and morality that tells us torturing children to death with gruesome incurable diseases is a good thing! Why we wouldn't know what to think! And the blessing of forgiveness. No sin can't be forgiven – with God all is permissable – retrospectively! How would the priests have forgiven themselves on the choirboys without God's blessing? And the bombers on the planes – how would they have forgiven themselves?

4) The fine-tuning and the not-bothering with the ontological

How fine to be so magnificently tuned for decay and death. And those constants. Why, if one changed by absolutely any amount, the others adjusted would give the same result. And what a result! Not quite as good for life as it could have been, even without magic. And of course, with beings able to exist immaterially, there was never any need for material anyway. But perhaps you omnisciently forgot you could exist.

5) Pretending it real and the Hitler/Stalin/Mao

If we go through 'Mein Kampf' striking out 'God' and replacing it with 'Darwin' then that makes it real. But are silly ideas always silly? I don't know – I'm mutilating my children's genitals! Is too much critical thought and not enough blindly following holy orders a bad thing? What if I heard a voice telling me to sacrifice my son? Why without God I may as well just ignore it! If History teaches us anything it is surely that too much rational enquiry and not enough belief in silly ideas has been the problem. Hitler! Stalin! Mao! Pol Pot! The other one! Too much clear thinking and not enough faith! Too much rational enquiry and not enough dressing-up! Not enough belief that they were right in spite of the evidence! Pretending it real! This is surely what God wants us to teach children and people who can't think very well.

6) Heaven and hell

We all yearn to go to heaven and meet God. Perhaps you are the indoors type who likes harps and angels and dreary organ music, or perhaps you are the outdoors type who prefers fields and badly drawn tigers – like the Jehovah's Witnesses. There is something for everyone! Everything is perfect like it would be back home if His representatives had a bit more of the Earth-money God needs! And don't they do an efficient job? Hardly a penny left for palaces! But perhaps the most super reason of all the super reasons to pretend in God is our blessed deliverance from Earthly worries. War, famine, disease and suffering, death itself – these are difficult problems to face with reason alone. And though we might eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge and become as Gods attempt to solve these troubles, how much better to instead turn the other way and face upwards, wailing to an empty sky?



REJ is away. Trying to work out how to do an index. Anyway, the FT's new.

Freeconomics

Wel, another day, another pound. There's just too many stray dogs. Or I could have said I was getting heavier. As thoughts weighed on my mind. Or I could have just whacked off. Wel, all those are true, and so heddiw let's do the economics. With me today are twoeconomistsagreeing, on account of I have made them up, and maybe someone else later - I haven't seen the end yet. Hang on, I'll scroll down...aha! interesting. Hmmm. No, I won't say. Whodunnit on page 1? Dear God! try mysterious for once.

Now since real economics is boring, I'm going to make it up. Let's pretend we have a closed system. Bound by Space perhaps. Some sort of intragalactic protectionist isolationist state. We'll include the bits of the Sun that get here. Now a quick check of resources. Earth + Sun. Near enough. For now anyway. That's enough Physics.

Now - I like saying now - we'll need some definitions. How about one for wealth creation? wel, a wealth creator would be someone who can make Earths and Suns. And work is distress to the organism. The rest is play. But I digest. Let's play on, and bid a notreallyinterested Llanfihangel-yr-Creuddun croseso i Llanfihangel-yr-Creuddun i twoeconomistsagreeing. Croeso. I Llanfi -

2ea:- Hey we could have a slightly staggered font -

REJ:- You're not here to be clever -

2ea:- Ok let's start with the basics. If GDP quintruples, but population doubles, what does that mean? -

REJ:- I must work harder -

2ea:- That's right, austerity. The more money there is, the poorer you are -

REJ:- Yes. The richer we are, the poorer I must be. er -

2ea:- You're doing well. We've never had you so good -

REJ:- Do some more basics -

2ea:- Ok. If your country is 5% of the market, how much democracy do you have? -

REJ:- 95%? 105%? -

2ea:- Pretty close! It's 5%. Democracy is the opiate of the masses. Free tradem trade freedom. If you try to fuck the market -

REJ:- Yes. What? IMFucked? -

2ea:- There is no such thing as building society. How is the IMF run? -

REJ:- You're supposed to tell me, and I watch the television -

2ea:- Wel, it's one dollar one vote. Now what could be fairer? -

REJ:- Oooh! that's ace! You could buy the running of a poor country and make it grow coffee while they starved! -

2ea:- Fairtrade, chwarae teg. 'South Korea is now run by the US treasury' -

REJ:- Who said that? -

2ea:- A treasurer. Somewhere. That one was tigers, not coffee btw -

REJ:- Wel, let's not bother with any obvious slavery in the majority world nonsense - especially with the passing of Jobs -

2ea:- We see you're ahead of 4 billion in the rich list -

REJ:- Nothing to do with me -

2ea:- If you're not part of the answer, you're part of the cliche. Oooh! let's do slogans. Maybe chants too. Perhaps a rain dance - I mean protest march -

REJ:- Look we're only trying to achieve what the most retarded tribe achieved 50,000 years ago. But with trinkets and less intermittent medicine. And perhaps not the unfortunate out-group anthropophagia -

2ea:- The superstimuli of fickle trinkets brought down the Berlin Wall. That and David Hasselhoff singing 'freedom'. Fashion can't be central-planned -

REJ:- Down the revolution! -

2ea:- Pitchforks or BACS transfer! -

REJ:- Yes I believe we did that in 'the loony lotto'. When we noticed the difference between private and public wealth. And that there was enough private wealth in the UK to give each household a million pounds, in real terms. Albeit parasitic on the slavery of other nations to give the currency value, and leading to infantilism as per Saudi etc. -

2ea:- Or you could just tax the top 10% by 25% and wipe out the national debt overnight. They could repay it after they were dead. etc. -

REJ:- Ah yes, the wealth creators seeintro. But turkeys don't vote for Christmas! -

2ea:- They do if they get presents instead of death. Even though death is the one event at which you're guaranteed not to be present. They're most in favour of it because it would make them richer. But we're being too subtle. Remember who's reading. Only the very intelligent ones will get it -

REJ:- Such crass psychology. Besides that's just one country. We were doing the world. The world doesn't revolve around crass psychology -

2ea:- Some countries are as big as the world once was! In fact, all of them. What can work for one country can work for the world. We like work, it's play -

REJ:- Shall we pretend the audience, both of them, have read Marx and spotted where he went wrong? I mean on surplus value and dialectical materialism, not just psychology -

2ea:- No just about it. If you get two monkeys, and give one more nuts, the nutless one riots or depresses, dying younger either way. Maktub. In or out it goes -

REJ:- I've never seen a monkey give birth to an economist -

2ea:- er...yes. You know, when we were young, all this used to be trees -

REJ:- What happened? -

2ea:- They were pulped to make conservation posters -

REJ:- You're pro recycling jokes anyway -

2ea:- Anyway all this was trees. Yes. Every year there was growth -

REJ:- Wagner -

2ea:- Every year there was growth as each wanted to be taller than the other -

REJ:- I think humans are a lot bit more cleverer than what is trees are is -

2ea:- The treemerican dream. The trunks were pointless. Bid up away like houses. I think I'll call them rents. When I write it as a fairy story allegory for children -

REJ:- epublished of course? -

2ea:- No, no, made in China. Printed on pandas. Now in the dark, far below the canopy, fuck all trickles down apart from the dream. Did you know, Richard, people would rather pay to be poor with a chance of being rich, than -

REJ:- There's a fruit machine in my pub -

2ea:- Let's forget centrally planned then. It can be effective, but never efficient. Now capitalism can be more efficiently destructive too -

REJ:- You're trying very hard not to say 'third way' -

2ea:- No one likes him. That meme's globalized alright -

REJ:- Do the bit about the point when the IMF first achieved taking more money from the third world than it was putting in. That's quite funny. Do the world bank too. Do the private banks. Do the -

2ea:- There's no need, Richard, no need at all. They're auto-didacts, with the information a click away. It is unlikely they will be distracted by pornography and online poker -

REJ:- You missed a joke there -

2ea:- We're homophonic -

REJ:- *click!* Goodness Iesu Mawr me! That's a double dip if ever I saw two -

2ea:- Hmmm. Wel, we'll do the solutions anyway. First, restate the problem clearly. With the clarity of the sociopath. You'll find sociopaths are best at business -

REJ:- I doubt I will, because I'm not looking. In fact you could say I'm fiddling while -

2ea:- Now we don't traditionally agree because of one reason. Two reasons. One reason. Two reasons -

REJ:- ffs -

2ea:- We mean at the macro of course. Micro takes care of itself. Macro macro macro micro -

REJ:- macro -

2ea:- Yes it's an art. So stand back and look at the painting. Perhaps not Lovelock's -

REJ:- Get on with it. In the long run we're all dead. Traditionally -

2ea:- Yes that's the one. The arbitrary stop to the iterations of the models. The other is the models fail since the participeople are rounded off to discrete particles. And weather prediction fails in days -

REJ:- But climate is mere measurement. The clouds could be periodically seeded. Say every forty years -

2ea:- Not while there are 70 money harbours. etc. Like a river flows, surely to the sea -

REJ:- Some things....aren't meant to be. But I can't help falling in love with me -

2ea:- Love is nothing to Bjorn Borg. The largest Sovereign is always going to be smaller than all the sovereigns in the world. While you have artificial Sovereign ships, the titanic bail-outs will always fail, since there is always more sea -

REJ:- It's a race to the bottom! -

2ea:- Quentin Crisp. Yes transnational remerge towards monopoly, and become bigger than nations -

REJ:- I didn't vote for that -

2ea:- Do not pass Go. Voting is very silly. You can vote for cuts or cuts. I hope you haven't fallen for that. Perhaps remove the telescreen -

REJ:- Daisycutter. I can see Wikileeks boy in orange somehow -

2ea:- Now as you can't see a yellow child ingesting lead, it doesn't register -

REJ:- On the Jewish piano! -

2ea:- Ah yes, race. To the bottom. Black bottom, the nigger's got 'em. Did you know half of the black bottoms in britain are now unemployed? -

REJ:- The hot sun makes them lazy -

2ea:- Tings that you li'ble to read in de bible, they ain't necessarily so. Apart from scapegoating -

REJ:- But what if nice people, who do typing, and proper jobs like that, became unemployed? Then it would be serious -

2ea:- Facebook frenzy! Don't worry til they start locking people up for typing -

REJ:- Are you going to do the solutions, or just keep highlighting the problems? -

2ea:- Wel, we wouldnt start from here. But if we had to -

REJ:- In your own time -

2ea:- The light is the first thing to high. Let the shrubs see the light. Peep! Peep! -

REJ:- No, do it properly. Don't be turning into him -

2ea:- Ok. To reiterate, wealth:popn is greater than ever. Malthus is wrong again. Now since technology is exponential, he's going to get wronger at a faster rate. There's a ridiculous amount of jam tomorrow coming. But let's solve it anyway, since it's trivial and you're bored -

REJ:- I'll give you 5 more minutes -

2ea:- I'll take 3. Now we said capitalism was more efficient. And more in tune with everyone being dull as fuck. That saves time. Let's not educate, the software's already written. Now people are as iron filings, and positively magnetropic. It doesn't matter if they think they aren't. There are only 7 people in the world, copied a billion times, still all the copies would fit in a third of Wales. Micro-management is auto-delegated to the mind-vehicles. All markets are rigged, currently by oligarchs. Just change the magnets. All magnets are human-made and thus mutable. By humans -

REJ:- That's 2 minutes! -

2ea:- Split the word capitalism. Remove destructive, keep constructive. Global means global. Freetrade goods & services, stem capital flow. Evaporate hot money. Set transaction tax at the fractional to cancel arbitrage and currency speculation. Remove FPI, keep FDI. Remove rents. Set intellectual property rights to ten years for tech transfer to majority world. And to annoy Cliff Richard. Establish global central bank
a la Keynes. Get your spirit level. It's a modest proposal -

REJ:- No, you took 4 minutes -

2ea:- Whodunnit btw? -

REJ:- No one yet.

Pome for the day

Private healthcare argument, Elvis Preseli, once said 'something to do, something to look forward to, someone to love'. Wel, that's nice, but the question was why are you wearing a turban. What is little known about the tardis-suited evapotranspirator is that he was a keen amateur dendrosophogeologist. And here, straight from the money-filing cabinet @ RCA, I mean recently discovered in an abandoned salt-mine, we see his light-minded musings in all their glory, taken from the 1975 album 'So that's the why they didn't release it'. Take it away, Elvis Preseli! -

What's it like to be a fly?
Faster than the compound lie?
Years in days and months in hours
Offspring coiled explosion flowers

What's it like to be a tree?
Thirsting, searching, sunlight see?
Drink the World through tangled straw
Watching after and before

What's it like to be a me?
Rocks expressed as person be?
Knowledge after thought confusing
Ultimately but amusing

Here be Dragons

Nawrte, Wales was born in AD 383 with Macsen Wledig, bastard child of Roman and Barbarian slave-owners, fabricated in the ninth century by lying genealogists in the service of the second royal dynasty of Gwynedd.

The capital was made up in 1955, the flag in 1959, and that station name in 1860, because no one realised you could get away with skirts and an invisible plesiosaur.

The nation is bound together by particularly strong ties, - 100% of the population never having met 99.9% of themselves. The true Welsh speak a curious language, a creolised mentalese, similar in form to Latin, Swahili, Black American English Vernacular, and every other fucking language.

They are governed primarily by a systemised entropy, and metabolise energy via respiration. Popular tradition states they typically have four limbs, like singing, and are proficient at killing Zulus, - often at the same time. They latterly developed a peculiar fondness for South American islands, and being part-melted by French rockets. They eat seaweed.

Since it was first made-up, no one has bothered to conquer Wales, apart from estate agents. But the Welsh, being an imaginative race, promptly set about conquering themselves, and secured a consumate victory - still in evidence today - with 10% successfully plundering 90% of the wealth, using the ingenious tactic of looking and sounding like everybody else, and joining in the singing when things got awkward.

The radioactive North, or Hen Ogledd, is largely isolated from nowhere in the world. Here the mother tongue mutates to backwards even within itself, with the crypto-palindromic 'rwan'. The Deceangli and the Ordivices, proud serf-noble savages, confounded the Roman navvies with their strange attire and human sacrifice to trees, and clever things like that, re-enacted annually in Yr Orsedd, which in the absence of any genuine variation in skin colour, all being either one-shade-off-dead or burnt-to-fuck-on-holiday, instigated a complex system of colour-coded clothing. That's if you think 3 colours is complex.

The lower western penninsula, domain of the Demetae, who I can't be bothered to look up, - we're doing one line of 'for eric' as I'm sure you've noticed - probably did something very super, although the English bought it in the 20th century.

King Arthur built Stonehenge, Madog discovered America (some say it was already there), and very recently someone made up the misnomer Mabinogion, although the stories are old, and thus true. Bendigeidfran was resurrected and thought it all very....

Williams!!! Scott Williams!!! He's going to score!!! 19 - 12!!! If that doesn't represent a great personal victory for myself, then what does?!!!

'Lord', said Iddawg 'at what art thou laughing?'

'Iddawg', said Arthur, 'I am not laughing, but rather how sad I feel that men as mean as these keep this island, after those that kept it of yore'.

This is the stuff dreams are made of.

poem for the day

50 coin-rolls east of LLanfihangel-y-Creuddyn, turn right by the Ash, - no, not that one, that one, yes, - transcross the badger-painted road, then take the red sea bramble path down awards the stream - it's not a brook is it? and it's not acliche babbling. What is it doing then? Everything must do something. Perhaps it's gurgling, like a baby river. Smiling at it's mother's eyes. The sun probably. er - that's only one eye. I'm not sure a baby river would smile at a solar cyclops mother. Maybe it would. But let's have the moon for another eye. They're there at the same time from the point of view of water, as it thinks slowly. Ooooh look! the moon winks. Have we got there yet? Only I'm bored already. I expect the baby river is cradle-banked or something. The hills look like bosoms. That's not in the story - I just wanted to say it.

Wel, we've come all this way, so there'd better be something here. What shall we have? a drowning horse? a muzhik's shoelace? a Russian doll called Nikita, with eyelashes like a fantasia goldfish? Perhaps the dolls inside are age-reversed, with the oldest smallest, since old age is further away.

I expect they come to life, once a year, on some special feast day - just steal a myth from some obscure country - scores are settled, loves matched and missed, magical happenings - all the usual. Wel, I'll fill that in later. How's it going to end? I know, we'll have a twist. They won't be expecting a twist. Nope, it's just too tedious. Let's do a pome instead.

Set pome-generator to 'SeussMilligan'. Ok, download!


Goldfish! darted at the fair
By the stall that sells balloons
Off you fly into the air!
Naughty children! No more spoons!

No more spoons for you and you
And guess what? It's soup for tea!
And you mustn't dip your bread
Or raise the bowl up to your head
Or suck it through a curly straw
Or snort it, lap it, and what's more
You mustn't spill a drop on table
Forks is all I shall enable
Now you don't think it's so funny!
Now it isn't such a trifle!
- the teddy stall's amiss a rifle -
This is going to cost me money
Ping! Kersplat! Oh! What a shot!
A little marksman's what I've got!
Did you see that? See it fall?
Like a conscious raindrop ball
'Bagged it! Pull!' on-clappers call!
Spoons for all! yes, spoons for all.

Marvellous mechanical mouth-organ

Bumbling professorbird Yaffle of Dawkins was this week caught, live, remembering 20 words only just a bit quicker than a pretend Christian could not remember one. News of the catastrophic failure of Darwinianismistism to account for the diversity of life on the planet, spread around the globe by some unaccountable mechanism. There were even misreportings of transcript mutation.

Biology fell into crisis overnight, as the recitation of the one holy text must be immediate, or at least within 30 seconds, or else animals don't exist. A house of cards Bishop glee'd 'Dickens is the only one who has seen an evolution, and that evolution has turned out to be a lie. I should have a vote where he hasn't'.

A BMA spokeswoman advised all NHS patients to self-discharge with immediate effect. 'The game's up. Hawkings has let the cat out of the bag. Biology doesn't work, never has, never will. We just liked getting together and pretending really. I suppose it made us feel better, but modern medicine was dependent on evolution being true. And now it isn't'.

Self-expressed 'High priest keeper-of-the-dream', Yitchkins, was clearly not expecting the Spanish question. 'I can't believe I lost another quick-fire lying contest', he pecked. 'You don't see Cameron doing that'. The Vicar-of-Darwin-on-Earth went on to confess he was not really infallible either. 'I may as well get it all off my carved wooden feathery chest. It has really been a terrible burden lying for so long, particularly keeping the truth from every fucking scientist in every fucking branch of science in the fucking world. I made it all up, from a single bone I found on answersingenesis'.

micro, micro, micro, macro.

A dog-level IQ 'listener', a dog you understand, not a wolf - which would go Owwwwwwwwwww at the moon, and things like that, said 'I only heard er um er um er um-de-dum. The actual content was out of my thinking range. I think it was a very good question, the exact equivalent of not-remembering one word at all'.

The shamed dendravian chimera, Beakings, pecked on to say 'To be honest I'm amazed I got away with it for so long. Micro-evolution is so fast, it can only be seen by watching, and human beings don't have eyes. They don't even have brains. Darwin made it all up too - they really should have got it from that bear turning into a whale story. I'd better come clean:- I've never seen a bear give birth to a whale. A lot of Charlie's guesses have just turned out to be so-stories, and if you find a whale with feet, then there is one thing you know immediately. Whales don't have feet. Mnyeh, mnyeh, mnyeh'.

Bishop of cuckoo nest, the very very mostest reverend highest motherfather superior most holy, humble-person, Lord Cardinal dressing-up games, opined 'How dare Dawkhitch tell them what they are. They are beneath me, that's what they are - it says so in my head. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, but self-identiquacks as a horse, then it's a horse. As long as I get a free ride, that's fine'.

Self-tridentified logical impossibility bewildered gypsy-Nazarene - not that the place existed at the time - Iesu Grist, manifested in the necrotic tissue on the face of a maggot-infested baby. 'God's law is black and white - just like me dependent on the skin of the painter. Everyone must obey God's law. If you are a childless widow, with an unmarried brother-in-law, then you must er um er um er um-de-dum....hang on, that can't be right. Who wrote this shit? Fuck it, I'll sell myselves on ebay instead'.

A bored 'philosopher', after 3 days not drinking, or was it 4? briefly resurrected, and with an inaudible sigh, in pixels via binary, and a little bit else for computer pedants - that's all of them - pointed out no one can be a Christian, not even Jesus. 'If you have to ask why, please go away'. He sulked, not particularly enigmatically.

For Eric

Until they become conscious they will never rebel, and until after they have rebelled they cannot become conscious. If there is hope, it lies with the proles. We are the dead.


There are two forms of war. Rearranging matter on or near the surface of the Earth, and rearranging thought, which is the same. The former always ends in the latter, and is unnecessary.

Thought, and thought-crime, are mere aspects of entropy. The fifth estate must be free, it is the mirror of humanity. Do not stamp on the human face. If there is hope, it lies in the freedom of the fifth estate, for future necessary rearrangements are incalculable.

The censor is the psychopath, for ideas can only be killed.

The conscious rebellion of self, the final victory over self is unnecessary. Self seeks to align external with internal, as the caddis picks the stone. Alignment can be constructive or destructive, eternal or ephemeral, expression is automatic. A law need not be divined to count how many play a lottery. Only alignment is necessary.

Countries do not exist other than in minds. Lines drawn in the sandpit of humanity trace the impression of extended phenotypical expositions, and overshadow global phototropic alignment.

Self seeks mastery of self. Alone by annihilation, amongst by subsumption or domination. The writer, the artist, the lover, seeks power over minds by seduction. Coercion, or consent, is unnecessary.

We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.