Monday, 28 November 2011

On Epistemology

Philosophy is complete with the acceptance of logic. It follows nature is universally consistent. Where this is not true, none can say.

For self-consistent lines of enquiry:-

The lines are all circles.
An unbroken circle is a fact, until superseded by a smaller circle.
If a break is 'observed', the locus of the break is undetermined.

Consider:- A material thing cannot be in two places at once

On observation:-

'material thing', 'place', 'once', the observation, or logic is wrong.

One can't have logic wrong, as statement or conclusion.

Of the delights of genius, larks ascend to later discovery of the efforts of almost-peers. Here Bertie and Ayer do quite well. For those who may fear authority, see Principia and LTL.

With greater wit:- Maths may derive itself, language and maths are synonymous, logic is god.

Art succeeds where it communicates the intended to the intended.
Science succeeds where it communicates with logic.

Sunday, 27 November 2011

Cave Plato

Now for the hard of thinking, REJ is not real and neither is Dr. Bendi. Or any of my other selfs. They are rather, abstractions under human traits, typing concepts, the passive instruments of a dialectic.

Here follows a brief reminder of the Medawar:-

1. Are you a god or a computer?
2. Do you find questions difficult?
3. Can you read?
4. Can you write?
5. Have you ever used some kind of external output collection device?
6. Are you, or have you ever been a ghost?
7. Try saying 'woo' or something perhaps.
8. Have you ever said 'boo' to a goose, but it couldn't see you because you were transparent?
9. Are you a goose?
10. Would you like to buy some magic beans?
11. Have you ever visited 'Answersingenesis'?
12. More than once?
13. Have you ever given your money to a rich man with a big hat?
14. And a plate?
15. And a house?
16. Do you ever wonder what the biggest number is?
17. But can't count from 0 to 1?
18. Can you make books, or do you have to ask someone else to make them for you?
19. Do you know what a book is?
20. Are you a book?
21. Did you manage to log on here?
22. Did you eat a banana first?
23. Are you, or have you ever been, a monkape?
24. Do you know the secret of man's red fire?
25. Can you summon up fire without flint or tinder?
26. Did you ever write the blind watchmaker program?
27. Are you an apple?
28. Are you a tree?
29. Have you ever seen an apple and a tree at the same time?
30. Do you think you done seen 'bout everything?
31. Are you a professional dental surgery 'after' picture?
32. Do you sell umbrellas?
33. Have you never done anything particularly magic, but feel sure you might be able to if you gave it a go?
34. I mean really tried?
35. Are you magic?
36. Have you ever taken half a second to pretend to be conscious?
37. Have you ever disappeared for half a second?
38. How about quicker?
39. What was it like?
40. Are you going to do it again?
41. Are you the quick, the dead, the quick and the dead, or dead quick like me?
42. Have you ever put 'light' and 'dark' somewhere in a poem?
43. Have you ever been to Swansea?
44. Did you wonder why afterwards?
45. Did you ever think 'ebony and ivory' was a clever song?
46. Do you think the Harlem pygmies would be better globe-trotters?
47. Have you ever thought gay men are really women?
48. Do you think it would be fun to try and force-drug one?
49. Do you think you could pass the Turing test?
50. Do you like looking at people's faces?
51. Do you think you own their faces?
52. How about their clothes?
53. Do you think you should be allowed to take people's clothes off in public?
54. Do you think you should be allowed to take people's faces off in public?
55. Do you like croissants?
56. Have you ever thought beings can exist immaterially?
57. Do you think it would then be necessary to make material?
58. Do you wish I had some new material?
59. Have you ever talked to a flag?
60. Do you have a special relationship?
61. Do you have special needs?
62. Have you ever thought it might be fun to march 1000 miles to kill someone you haven't met before?
63. What if it was snowing?
64. Are you a militant sceptic?
65. Are you sure?
66. GOTO 1

Cader raindrop poem for the day

Now legend tells of a mountain-round hereparts, wherepon if sleep the weary hillock overcome, and restful lies aslumber thereupon, you comes down a poet or the mad. Yes. If you stay awake despite the views, then someone asleep in Australia becomes a butterfly. If he flaps his wings in iambic tetrameter, with the odd trocheedactylenjambent, then a tsunami shakes Yorkshire like a gay kiss. Yes. Something like that.

Anyway, when Gwyneth ap Owen went up there, it was raining...


A raindrop fell
Glistened -
Diamond snaked and honey,
Combed the blades

A raindrop vale
Filter crystal slope distil
And thought collected

A raindrop high
Free herefar alight aloft
Sought heart's desire

A raindrop cold
Peaked the cap
Or fractal fractured echo
Avalanche! advanced to war.

REJ:- er...

GaO:- Wel, it's simple. I have sought to enlist the harmony of metrical language, the ethereal combinations of the fancy, the rapid and subtle transitions of human passion, all those elements which essentially compose a Poem, in the cause of a liberal and comprehensive morality; and in the view of kindling within the bosoms of my readers, a virtuous enthusiasm for those doctrines of liberty and justice, that faith and hope in something good, which neither violence, nor misrepresentation, nor prejudice can ever totally extinguish among mankind. Isn't it? -

REJ:- Plagiarism is a sin. Very wrong. Always think for yourself. Now write that down 100 times.

Thursday, 24 November 2011

It's a wonderful eternal life

JC:- Hello! I mean, knock knock! -

Sioned:- Oh it's you. The local epoch's fantasy pin-up. Wel, the idiot's in there -

REJ:- Yes? -

JC:- It's me! -

REJ:- I thought I was me? -

JC:- No it's definitely me that's me. And him. And the other one. -

REJ:- Your English is very good -

JC:- Oh, that's a relief. I was worried it might come out like gibberish -

REJ:- I feel we're kindred spirits -

VOICE:- That's it boyo! - You've made the connection! We'll get her later. Childbirth or something. Nawrte, do the spiel like what I said, isn't it? -

JC:- Oooh! He doesn't third get on my tits! I wish I'd stop interrupting -

REJ:- Free presciptions here. They're a bit slow over the dyke -

JC:- Now where was I? Oh yes, everywhere -

REJ:- Hard to get lost -

JC:- Just let me do the pitch! Would you like to buy some moreexpensivethanBookers crisps? -

REJ:- No, you've mixed us up again -

VOICE:- It's 'You would like!'...'You would like to buy some -

REJ:- Christ! He's a shit isn't he? That bit's supposed to be a secret -

JC:- He makes me cross -

VOICE:- Diawl Yffern!!! Millennium on millennium figures are -

REJ:- I had one like that -

JC:- What did you do? -

REJ:- I got fired -

JC:- Now who's getting mixed up? -

VOICE:- Iesu Mawr!!! I wish I didn't have to watch -

JC:- It's so depressing. He knows where I am, what I'm doing, every minute of the fucking day. Keeps asking how it's going - as if he couldn't guess - pretending to be my friend -

REJ:- Let me just get my 'who's who' -

VOICE:- Ooooh! Hark at them! What is it now? It couldn't be a complaint could it?! I wonder if it's a complaint? Oh I do like complaints! I was only just thinking, what I could do with right now, right then, right throughout all fucking history, all fucking future, all fucking eternity, is another fucking complaint!!! Wouldn't that just be fucking perfect?! I don't know why I -

Gabriel:- Sir!, Sir!, your wrathometer! -

VOICE:- Fucking statues!!! I told them about the fucking statues!!! Whose do they think the tears are?! -

Gabriel:- Lambs! little lambs! think of the lambs! reclaim the locust of control! perhaps a little miracle...

VOICE:- A FUCKING MIRACLE!!! ANOTHER FUCKING MIRACLE!!! A billion billion fucking whatever billion stars all juggled perfectly for whatever fucking billion years, and one piss-dribbling tiny fumble over fucknowhere land and what do they remember? What do they fucking remember Gabriel? -

Gabriel:- I'm sure I don't recall, Sir, perhaps if Sir watched these cripples dying on the way to Lourdes -

VOICE:- Fucking Portuguese fucking peasants!!! Who made them thick as shit? In whose image? Who in heaven's name -

JC:- Oooh look out! I'm off on one -

REJ:- It can't be easy. Perhaps you're under pressure from higher up -

JC:- Look let's just get this over with. As long as I do the pitch I can pray in the figures later and make something up -

VOICE:- Oh! They're going to fucking trick me! I've just no idea what they could be planning! There's just no way I can tell! 5 thousand million fucking years in advance! It's fucking Pascal all over again. I fucking despair -

Gabriel:- A little plague....a touch of the cancer....You'll feel know you'll feel better -

VOICE:- You can can it too fairy wings! What do you think you need fucking wings for? There's no fucking atmosphere! I'm surrounded by hand-picked -

Gabriel:- Well they go with the dress - you see if one accessorises correctly, one creates a certain impression. And of course, - ahem! - every time a bell rings -

VOICE:- The other guy gets Murdoch. I get Gok fucking Wan Kanobi -

Gabriel:- Oh, well done sir. Lovely break of the third wall. Seamless -

JC:- Oh dear. Well, hurrying along, going forward, out of the blue sky, -

REJ:- Thinking the unthinkable -

JC:- Oh, you had the meetings too -

REJ:- Would you like some eternal torture? -

JC:- What? Are you mad? Oh I see! A prompt. Thanks. Start again. Would you like some eternal torture? -

REJ:- Yes please -

JC:- No!!! You're not meant to say that! At the meeting -

REJ:- Wel I was just trying to speed things up -

JC:- I lose my place if you don't do the script -

REJ:- You've got the manual there -

JC:- Let's see...Would you like me to torture your children? -

REJ:- long will you be wanting them for? Only it's Nina and the neurones in ten minutes -

JC:- Can't you just watch it without them? -

REJ:- It's best to have an excuse -

JC:- Well, would you like me, or one of my representatives, to relieve you of all your possessions? -

REJ:- er...let me see -

VOICE:- He's doing all the fucktarded wanky ones!!! Gabriel! He's doing all the ridiculous ones! -

Gabriel:- the manual Sir, maybe -

VOICE:- WHHH---AAAA----TTT???!!! Did I or did I not instruct the scribes to take out all the piss-dribbling wanky ones, and just leave in the reasonable plagiarised ones? Gabriel! -

Gabriel:-'ve got to go toilet -

VOICE:- You haven't got an arse! Gabriel! Get over here. Look into my invisible eyes. You're thinking something aren't you? -

Gabriel:- I'm....considering the lilies -

VOICE:- I can read your mind you gurning imbecile! 'Why didn't I write it myself?' Sound familiar? Heard it before anywhere? 'Ring a bell' does it?!
I do tablets. Stone! I write on stone. Not fucking papyrus. I write on rocks with fucking lightning! Isn't that good enough for them?

Gabriel:- I'm sure I don't know, Sir, if Sir perhaps dreamt up a new that tortured children....

VOICE:- Write this down Gabriel. 'Suicide is no longer a sin' -

Gabriel:- *scribble!* er...forgive me, but is this wise, your trajesty, only when they pop themselves off -

VOICE:- Fuck! I just can't win can I? I wish I'd never been conceived -

Clarence:- Oh!, but you mustn't be talking like that! Wait a minute....ah, yes! Good idea. Now listen, God, you've really been given an incredible gift. I'm going to show you what it would be like if you'd never been conceived....

*'dream' sequence*

VOICE:- Clarence! Clarence! Help me Clarence! I don't care who you are, or how you do these things.....just get me back! Take me back to my plagues and hellfire! I wanna kill again! Please Clarence! I wanna kill again...Let me kill again.

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

A brief history of horseshit

REJ:- *click!* Aw, bollox -

Dr.B:- Hello! I'm Dr. Bendi's long lost cousin, Dr. Binde -

REJ:- That's all I needed to hear -


Dr.B:- Now I know you don't mind, so I've whopped your satnav out the car, and I'm going to put it in your DVD player...

Plant:- *wilt!*

Dr.B:- Hmmm...perhaps another go -

Goldfish:- *drown!*

Dr.B:- Maybe it needs some string...

Fly:- *bangheadwindow!*

Dr.B:- Perhaps if I draw a picture of what I might be seeing -

Spider:- *noose!*

Dr.B:- Wel, what about a 20D screen, pump it up a bit, bake for -

Gun:- *entice!*

Dr.B:- *BigBang*

The A-maze-in Randy

Nawrte, it's very easy to crucify 1/3rd of oneself, albeit ridiculous, but visibly-bearded homosexuellist paranormal 'investigator', Jim Randy, fancies he can do better than the Queer-fearing Almighty, with the aid of a certain befuddled, broken old Mosaic. Croeso i Llanfihangel-y-Creuddun, Jim Randy! -

JR:- Hi gang -

REJ:- Ho de ho. First up, your protuberance has not escaped my slight taff hand -

JR:- You mean, what's up my wizard's sleeve? -

REJ:- I'm not sure -

JR:- Well, stick your arm in, don't be shy, rummage around -

REJ:- I'm a celebrity -

JR:- You know you want to, why deny it? -

REJ:- Sioned says -

JR:- Sioned's not here -

REJ:- Wel, as long as my friends don't find out...


UG:- Hello! It's me, Urrrri Geller, with my magic powerrrrrs.

REJ:- Can I have another go? -

JR:- The first time's often disappointing -

UG:- I am great friend Michael Jackson - *Ooof!*

REJ:- He doesn't seem to fit back in -

JR:- Grease him up. Sometimes they get bigger when they're out -

UG:- I am great friend libel lawyer -

REJ:- Anything up the other one? -

JR:- Er...I've only got the one, Richard. But have a try anyway -

UG:- Don't ask me to make the tea. Not with my magic powerrrrrrs -

REJ:- Ok lets nail him up -

JR:- Now, in here, Richard, are some very special 'miracle-proof' nails. They have been independently checked by God, and kept in this secret safe, the key to which has, for some slightly superfluous reason, been increted about my person -

REJ:- What do you mean, 'increted'? -

JR:- Er...

UG:- Don't ask me to wind your watch. Not with my magic powerrrrrs -

REJ:- Ten to be sure then -

JR:- Hey, I can still touch my toes! - Reach for the star! -


REJ:- Bless you -

JR:- There's a hammer too -

REJ:- ffs.

UG:- I can make you think of a house, with smoke coming out of the chimney. With my magic pow -

REJ:- Right! In we go! -


JR:- Or you could just use yours on the shelf there -

UG:- Don't put your tools in my hands. Not with my -

REJ:- Ok let's do him -

JR:- O...kay...

REJ:- No! Nail the fucker up! Jesus Christ, Randy! You haven't made it long enough. Don't you come prepared? When I was in the local scouts -

UG:- You know when that ball missed a penalty. That was me. Using my -

JR:- Try it upside down. Sometimes it works better the wrong way -

REJ: Look, lets just use the table -

UG:- Is it a metal table? Only -

JR:- Just ram it in the hole, I'll try and grip it, then we'll see if we can't stick it up a few more inches -

UG:- I can tell if there's water in your taps. Sometimes. You see I use my -

REJ:- These bics will have to do for a crown of thorns -

JR:- I think there might be a staple gun in there. I was having some builders in, and -

UG:- I can call for world peace. Using my magic powerrrrr -

REJ:- Fuck it! The holes don't line up. I'll get my podger out -

JR:- Go for it Richard! We're nearly there! -

UG:- *aiiiieee!.....bang!......OOOOOoaaaYYYY!!!*

JR:- Few more bangs -

REJ:- Much harder than I thought it would be -

JR:- Faster! Faster! Give it the big one! -

REJ:- Phil Bennett...Oh that's beautiful!....Gerald Davies....what was he doing there?.....Gareth Edwards!....Edwards is going in!.....What a score!!! -

JR:- If the greatest writer of the written word -

UG:- *Bend!!!.....Drop!.....Hee Hee!.....Scarper!*

REJ:- Wtf????!!!! -

UG:- You can't catch me! Not with my magic pow....errrrr....rrrr....rrrrrrs!!! -

JR:- Iesu Mawr! He really was a bigger bender than Jesus after all -

REJ:- Hairy nun's bollocks -

JR:- Fuck that's cost me a million. Bugger. -

REJ:- Ok, may as well. But please, watch your language.

Monday, 21 November 2011

No time like the present poem for the day

A man who forgot to wear socks
Was found banging his head against rocks
Now if only he'd said
We were really all dead
Then we wouldn't be such silly Cox
Cuckoo clocks
Then we wouldn't be such silly Cox
O happy days! when Jesus walked
His miracles divine
I wonder why He couldn't cut
His nails, as I can mine
No wonder He was cross
Rhythm, rhythm everywhere
Can you combine the meter?
Now hear me in my finery
I tell you logic's binary
And when it fails 'tis science that ails
Did I miss a line?
Did I misalign?
I draw a blank
Averse! Avast! did I say draw?
Are pictures, maths, and words the same,
Big numbers small combined with awe
Is longer squiggles quite the game?
But how would you know
If time didn't flow
Oh please do have a go
Look at the ants!
Look at the ants!
It looks like they're thinking!
Now if you wonder what's the smell
'Tis I, forget my pants as well.

REJ:- Other end of the telescope perhaps.

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

To Keats

There came a sunbeam in the room
And with it swirled the magic loom
By Sirius calling from afar
A galaxy within a star

The prism cast untangled motes
That danced to play aeolian notes
Now here a chord but there a rest
Wherever grasping reason test

An Ark was floating in the ray
I listened to Creations play
And I was off there hand in hand
To Oberon, and fairy land.

REJ:- Now that's just showing off. Try with one hand behind your back -

JK:- I only used three pints of blood

Monday, 14 November 2011

The game of chess

Indeed. Wel, I see from my ffenestr, through it even, albeit 4% of the photons are rebounding at the particular thickness I'm looking thrupon, that it is once again National born killers celebration day. Led by Her Trajesty the Brenhiness Liz of England-world, and her trusty steed, Nearlysir Nicholas of Witchell.

Now before I go on, if any of you have any relatives killed in the wars, then be consoled that it was very probably at the trigger of another coward who trembled before the false judge of peer pressure, and fancied killing a lesser crime than embarassment. That, or a psychopath.

This Christmas, be sure to ask any remnants how many they killed, and in what manner. Best after the Queen's speech, and before the Bond film. Oh yes, and remember to vote. It may be a cliche, but it's a part-of-speech worth dying slightly earlier for, and worth even more if you can take others with you.

Poppies beget poppies.

Now if you play chess, you'll know what a sacrifice is. It is not losing a piece that is already en prise. You will know what it is to be forked, say between the dope-fiend Cameron, and the arsonist Clegg. Locking up children for typing on facebook. You will know there are rules to the game, that now transcend accidents of geography and history. You will realise you were born playing. You know what move to play in zugzwang. You know a forced win when you have one, you know the soundness of an opening is unaffected by blunders, or by the board being knocked over. You know half a move is no move, and you know all must lose on time.

Now play up, play up, and play the immortal game.

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Poem for the day

Wel, what a funny month that was. I blame the Gregorians. Now genius maps it's own destination, and with me heddiw, is Cartographer Royal, and Mythomancer to the Pope, Iolo a'i Keyslost. Iolo has his quirks - as do we all - and he has kindly brought them with him, and rather buggered up the seating arrangements. No matter! To be done with such minute and literal trifling. Iolo a'i Keyslost - croeso i Llanfihangel-y-Creuddyn! -

Ia'K:- Should that mutate to i Lanfihangel? -

REJ:- f knows -

Ia'K:- Wel, I should know, because you're pretending me'm a real Welsh person -

REJ:- Wel, look it up then -

Ia'K:- But I'm not supposed to have to look it up. I'm supposed to know instinctively, like a native -

REJ:- ffs, it's only one letter -

Ia'K:- Ll is only one letter. You do Welsh crosswords don't you? -

REJ:- Not very well -

Ia'K:- Wel, wouldn't you like to improve? -

REJ:- *hoof!.....miaow!* - Now look what you made me do -

Ia'K:- Hmmmm....a 'creative'. How did refusing a lawyer go? -

REJ:- Rather well I thought. At first. My refutation of the doctrine of one law for all, and the lack of objective morality -

Ia'K:- They locked you out, didn't they? -

REJ:- I hadn't finished! Where is the justice? I was just getting to the good bit -

Ia'K:- You're banned from every police cell in the county -

REJ:- There are other counties! And countries! -

Ia'K:- Shall I do my poem or what? -

REJ:- I don't see why you get to. Half way through my Magna Carta in limericks, I -

Ia'K:- The Cat's Whiskers.

The Cat's Whiskers.

Into the kitchen, came three mice
And no, not blind, 'cos that's not nice
One held a whisk, another twirled
The last merely bowed, as the cream was whirled