Tuesday, 22 November 2011

A brief history of horseshit

REJ:- *click!* Aw, bollox -

Dr.B:- Hello! I'm Dr. Bendi's long lost cousin, Dr. Binde -

REJ:- That's all I needed to hear -


Dr.B:- Now I know you don't mind, so I've whopped your satnav out the car, and I'm going to put it in your DVD player...

Plant:- *wilt!*

Dr.B:- Hmmm...perhaps another go -

Goldfish:- *drown!*

Dr.B:- Maybe it needs some string...

Fly:- *bangheadwindow!*

Dr.B:- Perhaps if I draw a picture of what I might be seeing -

Spider:- *noose!*

Dr.B:- Wel, what about a 20D screen, pump it up a bit, bake for -

Gun:- *entice!*

Dr.B:- *BigBang*


  1. Bombe-bastic (Mr Fantastic) - for A.T. (and significant others)

    How clever (never) is the clown
    Who frowns to smile and waves to drown?
    These machinations' mother tongue
    Are mirror wit of sum L1.
    To solve enigma's nitty-gritty
    We reflect (and that's not pretty).
    So don't resent my interference
    Messing up your fair appearance
    It meters out the dialectic -
    A strange-familiar speech electric.
    The question is; Why vis-à-vis
    The charge goes up? (It does for me).
    Observe that imitation matters.
    The scheme is real. The twinning flatters.
    See how your pupil is dilating!
    The id (though hid) is still relating.
    I'll wind up now, hickory Dick,
    And see you back in half a tick.

  2. Dwight D. Eisenhower24 November 2011 at 14:51

    There was a young man from Cheam,
    Who invented a wanking machine.
    At the ninety-ninth stroke,
    The bloody thing broke.
    And whipped his balls into custard.

  3. A lass they refused to anoint,
    Just couldn't quite get to the point.
    She would fiddle all day,
    'Til the urge went away.
    Now she's got RSI in her joint

  4. Strange delay over here. Must be the Lorentz transformations. Did someone say dyke? Flipping cheek! And he deleted that lovely one. Brushed my hair and gone all extra singsongy after coming off the last stint as chief-Hallmark-cards-greetings-writer-to-the-Stars. They don't write themselves you know. Something to do with Occult of Celebrity. There's gratitude!