Monday, 26 September 2016

Commercial Break

Fantastic don't-work-from-home opportunity!!! It's official. Britain is open for sale, and everything must go! Again! Low interest rates getting you down? Why not make your money work for you? Instead of you working. What could be less parasitic? How does net £30bn for £0bn sound? Confuscioused? Too good to be true? Think again. This is just one of the many stunning often-to-be-repeated deals available!

Perhaps you are from a backward country, that hasn't progressed to democracy. Don't worry - local buy-britain-to-let mortgage agent, Mother Theresa May, has the backing of almost 200 human voting-persons! These low, low prices won't last once our children see the bill, so hurry now and buy yourself some never-never-shall-be-slaves at the auction of the century! Guaranteed returns! (arranged on the slaves behalf on the never never while they watch bakery shows).

Laugh as they wave flags and watch timelessly piss-drivel war films, while all the time YOU own them! Brexit fears? Fear not! money is invisible, and there's no border any more! Watch as your money freemovement immigrates in.....then taxfreemovement emigrates out, many times over!

Can you say 'investment' with a straight face? Perhaps you are a Russian mafiosi who hasn't forgotten to send Putin a christmas card. Fancy a cup of tea? Why not buy London? Now that's capital control! Careful! - not that tea! Maybe you are an Arab, who dreams of killing Jews. Why not practise by killing Arabs first? You'll need some kit for that, and Prince Andrew can arrange everything. Or maybe you are a nice-and-shiny multinational, believing your own adverts. Tax getting you down? How does minus tax sound?....etc ad nauseum....

....It's cold.....cold, dark and wet, and I'm scared.....I'm scared too.....If I don't make it.....don't say that....we'll get know it's funny, I used to love the smell of the sea, and the sound of!.....not now.....not now......OK let's go! Remember why we're here. It will all be worthwhile if after 7 decades of growth our grandchildren are begging at food banks....

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Poem for the day

REJ:- Bore da. eto. etc. Wel, in the immortal words of that grocer's daughter, Rejoice! for Idris has blessed us again with a metrical offering that could surely melt the face of Simon Weston, and well-meaning penguin rescuers everywhere. Unfortunately, most of Simon's butties committed suicide after victory, and couldn't be with us to celebrate the necrotic banshee's incontinent descent into whimpering terror. But are there ever underlying economic causes of conflict? It's a transparently trivial question. But let's pretend it isn't, as Idris ap whoeverhewas has found a copy of Brewer's phrase and fable, and is pretending to have studied the classics like our new foreign secretary...

In the bosom of the Nile
With an enigmatic smile
Beckoned Pharoah's unseen hand
Promising the Promised Land

Pyramids of Golden Grain
Threshed and flailed the mark of Cain
Written red in Giza's womb
Built upon the living tomb

Plague upon included middle!
Sphinx within, without the riddle
Melting pot or boiling kettle?
Far the strains of Nero's fiddle
Poison asp of Cleopatra
Bit the currency made flesh
Grew the many-headed hydra
Wove the sticky spider's mesh
Drew the thread of Theseus closer
Then the closer mirror saw!
Not the Promised Land of Moses
But the mighty Minotaur!

Furies rent the plates tectonic
Weighted coin of binary
As the double-headed Janus
Counterfeit the lock and key
Sharply grew the wealth of nations
Piled upon the nation's poor
High upon the needle Caesar
Looked abroad to conquer more
Mined the flesh of Atlas buckling
From the bowels of Hades forge
Rose the man of iron chuckling
Lava smile of Satan! Gorge!

Hush! the night stalk hiding reaper
Silent glides amongst the corn
And the granary grows steeper
Hoards in vain for life reborn

All the while the eye was staring
Lonely on the monster isle
Twixt the hemispheres cross-sharing
Crying at the Furies bile

East meets West in eye of Cyclops
See the diamond beams divine!
Lift the clouded veil of Isis
Cut the gems eternal shine!

By the geometry of Euclid
Shape the world the Prophet saw
Tame the seasons, flood the delta!
Eden, Rise! on Israel's shore!

REJ:- So that's what you did when you were 'writing your cv' is it? I know! I know! Don't tell me! - you're going to do it properly later -

IaW:- Macroeconomics ends with the opening of the dam with the global lever.