Monday, 26 September 2016

Commercial Break

Fantastic don't-work-from-home opportunity!!! It's official. Britain is open for sale, and everything must go! Again! Low interest rates getting you down? Why not make your money work for you? Instead of you working. What could be less parasitic? How does net £30bn for £0bn sound? Confuscioused? Too good to be true? Think again. This is just one of the many stunning often-to-be-repeated deals available!

Perhaps you are from a backward country, that hasn't progressed to democracy. Don't worry - local buy-britain-to-let mortgage agent, Mother Theresa May, has the backing of almost 200 human voting-persons! These low, low prices won't last once our children see the bill, so hurry now and buy yourself some never-never-shall-be-slaves at the auction of the century! Guaranteed returns! (arranged on the slaves behalf on the never never while they watch bakery shows).

Laugh as they wave flags and watch timelessly piss-drivel war films, while all the time YOU own them! Brexit fears? Fear not! money is invisible, and there's no border any more! Watch as your money freemovement immigrates in.....then taxfreemovement emigrates out, many times over!

Can you say 'investment' with a straight face? Perhaps you are a Russian mafiosi who hasn't forgotten to send Putin a christmas card. Fancy a cup of tea? Why not buy London? Now that's capital control! Careful! - not that tea! Maybe you are an Arab, who dreams of killing Jews. Why not practise by killing Arabs first? You'll need some kit for that, and Prince Andrew can arrange everything. Or maybe you are a nice-and-shiny multinational, believing your own adverts. Tax getting you down? How does minus tax sound?....etc ad nauseum....

....It's cold.....cold, dark and wet, and I'm scared.....I'm scared too.....If I don't make it.....don't say that....we'll get know it's funny, I used to love the smell of the sea, and the sound of!.....not now.....not now......OK let's go! Remember why we're here. It will all be worthwhile if after 7 decades of growth our grandchildren are begging at food banks....


  1. It's on record. It's official and it's genius!

  2. This poignancy really hurts (because it's real);

    " It will all be worthwhile if after 7 decades of growth our grandchildren are begging at food banks.... "