Friday, 9 December 2011

Awesome Wonder

Have you ever wondered what separates two spacetimes? Nothing couldn't, only something could. Have you ever wondered what separates three spacetimes? Only something could. Have you ever wondered what separates five spacetimes? Only something could. Have you ever wondered what separates nine spacetimes? Only something could. Have you ever wondered what the biggest number is?

Thursday, 1 December 2011

TB:- Mass Killer

Third-class minah lawyer, Rictus GrinBlair, has too much to shoulder to shoulder. But after scouring the Earth for years in vain, he has at last found a friend, in the realm of his imagination. Croeso i llanfihangel-y-Creuddun, Rictus GrinBlair! -

RGB:- Call me Tony -

REJ:- Don't smile then -

RGB:- Look, are you just going to like, look, like, are you going to like just make things up, or use direct quotes? -

REJ:- Whatever makes you look best -

RGB:- Listen. I read the Bible everyday, I read the Koran everyday. But should an investment banker make more in a week than a nurse does in 5 years? You can debate that, but I don't know the answer.

REJ:- I know the answer -

RGB:- Btw, did you make that one up?

REJ:- I'm not that good.

RGB:- Don't mention the war -

REJ:- Blessed are the peacemakers. Now when Martin McGuinness was made minister for education, a lot of people felt Caligula's horse mistreated by history. But can you think of a sillier appointment? -

RGB:- Saddam Hussein was a very bad man -

REJ:- I trust and fear your intelligence. But how, alone in the world, did you come to notice? And what makes a very bad man? Or invisible man? -

RGB:- That's a very difficult question. But, look, I'm not going to text Mandy. A morality shared is amorality squared. Lets get this sorted. Look, I'll throw my script away, we won't be needing this - *fling!...rehearsed ad-lib* etc Do you like my sweat? -

REJ:- Keep going -

RGB:- Look, war is a very difficult subject. But basically, lets be honest, if a genocidal german wears a symmetrical cross, and no hat, he is a bad man. But if a genocidal german wears an asymmetrical-about-horizontal cross, and a big hat, he is a good man, and should be worshipped. Invisible genocide's the best of all. -

REJ:- Wel, say what you like about Him, He did make the universes run on time. So Saddam was german? -

RGB:- No big hat, Richard!, no big hat! -

REJ:- What about the cross? -

RGB:- He did symmetrical crosswords. It says so in this dossier. -

REJ:- Shame about Cook and Kelly -

RGB:- Ah, those troublesome priests. Yes, that was terribly bad luck. Fancy them both -

REJ:- Rather than Cherie, yes -

RGB:- It was starving the children I enjoyed the most -

REJ:- er...

RGB:- *Beep!....o..f...f...m...e..s...s..a..g..e....* -

REJ:- Tell me about Ratzi again. Only there was something about your eyes -

RGB:- Oh, he's lovely. Said it was all alright - no one was really dead, I should go easy on myself, forgive it all away, - that sort of thing. I felt much better trusting my instincts that I had trusted before but which were wrong because I had trusted them too much and hadn't had my new correct instincts to trust correctly but instead had trusted the wrong kind of Jesus, like a fool.

REJ:- Ah that was it! Must milk the goat.

Monday, 28 November 2011

On Epistemology

Philosophy is complete with the acceptance of logic. It follows nature is universally consistent. Where this is not true, none can say.

For self-consistent lines of enquiry:-

The lines are all circles.
An unbroken circle is a fact, until superseded by a smaller circle.
If a break is 'observed', the locus of the break is undetermined.

Consider:- A material thing cannot be in two places at once

On observation:-

'material thing', 'place', 'once', the observation, or logic is wrong.

One can't have logic wrong, as statement or conclusion.

Of the delights of genius, larks ascend to later discovery of the efforts of almost-peers. Here Bertie and Ayer do quite well. For those who may fear authority, see Principia and LTL.

With greater wit:- Maths may derive itself, language and maths are synonymous, logic is god.

Art succeeds where it communicates the intended to the intended.
Science succeeds where it communicates with logic.

Sunday, 27 November 2011

Cave Plato

Now for the hard of thinking, REJ is not real and neither is Dr. Bendi. Or any of my other selfs. They are rather, abstractions under human traits, typing concepts, the passive instruments of a dialectic.

Here follows a brief reminder of the Medawar:-

1. Are you a god or a computer?
2. Do you find questions difficult?
3. Can you read?
4. Can you write?
5. Have you ever used some kind of external output collection device?
6. Are you, or have you ever been a ghost?
7. Try saying 'woo' or something perhaps.
8. Have you ever said 'boo' to a goose, but it couldn't see you because you were transparent?
9. Are you a goose?
10. Would you like to buy some magic beans?
11. Have you ever visited 'Answersingenesis'?
12. More than once?
13. Have you ever given your money to a rich man with a big hat?
14. And a plate?
15. And a house?
16. Do you ever wonder what the biggest number is?
17. But can't count from 0 to 1?
18. Can you make books, or do you have to ask someone else to make them for you?
19. Do you know what a book is?
20. Are you a book?
21. Did you manage to log on here?
22. Did you eat a banana first?
23. Are you, or have you ever been, a monkape?
24. Do you know the secret of man's red fire?
25. Can you summon up fire without flint or tinder?
26. Did you ever write the blind watchmaker program?
27. Are you an apple?
28. Are you a tree?
29. Have you ever seen an apple and a tree at the same time?
30. Do you think you done seen 'bout everything?
31. Are you a professional dental surgery 'after' picture?
32. Do you sell umbrellas?
33. Have you never done anything particularly magic, but feel sure you might be able to if you gave it a go?
34. I mean really tried?
35. Are you magic?
36. Have you ever taken half a second to pretend to be conscious?
37. Have you ever disappeared for half a second?
38. How about quicker?
39. What was it like?
40. Are you going to do it again?
41. Are you the quick, the dead, the quick and the dead, or dead quick like me?
42. Have you ever put 'light' and 'dark' somewhere in a poem?
43. Have you ever been to Swansea?
44. Did you wonder why afterwards?
45. Did you ever think 'ebony and ivory' was a clever song?
46. Do you think the Harlem pygmies would be better globe-trotters?
47. Have you ever thought gay men are really women?
48. Do you think it would be fun to try and force-drug one?
49. Do you think you could pass the Turing test?
50. Do you like looking at people's faces?
51. Do you think you own their faces?
52. How about their clothes?
53. Do you think you should be allowed to take people's clothes off in public?
54. Do you think you should be allowed to take people's faces off in public?
55. Do you like croissants?
56. Have you ever thought beings can exist immaterially?
57. Do you think it would then be necessary to make material?
58. Do you wish I had some new material?
59. Have you ever talked to a flag?
60. Do you have a special relationship?
61. Do you have special needs?
62. Have you ever thought it might be fun to march 1000 miles to kill someone you haven't met before?
63. What if it was snowing?
64. Are you a militant sceptic?
65. Are you sure?
66. GOTO 1

Cader raindrop poem for the day

Now legend tells of a mountain-round hereparts, wherepon if sleep the weary hillock overcome, and restful lies aslumber thereupon, you comes down a poet or the mad. Yes. If you stay awake despite the views, then someone asleep in Australia becomes a butterfly. If he flaps his wings in iambic tetrameter, with the odd trocheedactylenjambent, then a tsunami shakes Yorkshire like a gay kiss. Yes. Something like that.

Anyway, when Gwyneth ap Owen went up there, it was raining...


A raindrop fell
Glistened -
Diamond snaked and honey,
Combed the blades

A raindrop vale
Filter crystal slope distil
And thought collected

A raindrop high
Free herefar alight aloft
Sought heart's desire

A raindrop cold
Peaked the cap
Or fractal fractured echo
Avalanche! advanced to war.

REJ:- er...

GaO:- Wel, it's simple. I have sought to enlist the harmony of metrical language, the ethereal combinations of the fancy, the rapid and subtle transitions of human passion, all those elements which essentially compose a Poem, in the cause of a liberal and comprehensive morality; and in the view of kindling within the bosoms of my readers, a virtuous enthusiasm for those doctrines of liberty and justice, that faith and hope in something good, which neither violence, nor misrepresentation, nor prejudice can ever totally extinguish among mankind. Isn't it? -

REJ:- Plagiarism is a sin. Very wrong. Always think for yourself. Now write that down 100 times.

Thursday, 24 November 2011

It's a wonderful eternal life

JC:- Hello! I mean, knock knock! -

Sioned:- Oh it's you. The local epoch's fantasy pin-up. Wel, the idiot's in there -

REJ:- Yes? -

JC:- It's me! -

REJ:- I thought I was me? -

JC:- No it's definitely me that's me. And him. And the other one. -

REJ:- Your English is very good -

JC:- Oh, that's a relief. I was worried it might come out like gibberish -

REJ:- I feel we're kindred spirits -

VOICE:- That's it boyo! - You've made the connection! We'll get her later. Childbirth or something. Nawrte, do the spiel like what I said, isn't it? -

JC:- Oooh! He doesn't third get on my tits! I wish I'd stop interrupting -

REJ:- Free presciptions here. They're a bit slow over the dyke -

JC:- Now where was I? Oh yes, everywhere -

REJ:- Hard to get lost -

JC:- Just let me do the pitch! Would you like to buy some moreexpensivethanBookers crisps? -

REJ:- No, you've mixed us up again -

VOICE:- It's 'You would like!'...'You would like to buy some -

REJ:- Christ! He's a shit isn't he? That bit's supposed to be a secret -

JC:- He makes me cross -

VOICE:- Diawl Yffern!!! Millennium on millennium figures are -

REJ:- I had one like that -

JC:- What did you do? -

REJ:- I got fired -

JC:- Now who's getting mixed up? -

VOICE:- Iesu Mawr!!! I wish I didn't have to watch -

JC:- It's so depressing. He knows where I am, what I'm doing, every minute of the fucking day. Keeps asking how it's going - as if he couldn't guess - pretending to be my friend -

REJ:- Let me just get my 'who's who' -

VOICE:- Ooooh! Hark at them! What is it now? It couldn't be a complaint could it?! I wonder if it's a complaint? Oh I do like complaints! I was only just thinking, what I could do with right now, right then, right throughout all fucking history, all fucking future, all fucking eternity, is another fucking complaint!!! Wouldn't that just be fucking perfect?! I don't know why I -

Gabriel:- Sir!, Sir!, your wrathometer! -

VOICE:- Fucking statues!!! I told them about the fucking statues!!! Whose do they think the tears are?! -

Gabriel:- Lambs! little lambs! think of the lambs! reclaim the locust of control! perhaps a little miracle...

VOICE:- A FUCKING MIRACLE!!! ANOTHER FUCKING MIRACLE!!! A billion billion fucking whatever billion stars all juggled perfectly for whatever fucking billion years, and one piss-dribbling tiny fumble over fucknowhere land and what do they remember? What do they fucking remember Gabriel? -

Gabriel:- I'm sure I don't recall, Sir, perhaps if Sir watched these cripples dying on the way to Lourdes -

VOICE:- Fucking Portuguese fucking peasants!!! Who made them thick as shit? In whose image? Who in heaven's name -

JC:- Oooh look out! I'm off on one -

REJ:- It can't be easy. Perhaps you're under pressure from higher up -

JC:- Look let's just get this over with. As long as I do the pitch I can pray in the figures later and make something up -

VOICE:- Oh! They're going to fucking trick me! I've just no idea what they could be planning! There's just no way I can tell! 5 thousand million fucking years in advance! It's fucking Pascal all over again. I fucking despair -

Gabriel:- A little plague....a touch of the cancer....You'll feel know you'll feel better -

VOICE:- You can can it too fairy wings! What do you think you need fucking wings for? There's no fucking atmosphere! I'm surrounded by hand-picked -

Gabriel:- Well they go with the dress - you see if one accessorises correctly, one creates a certain impression. And of course, - ahem! - every time a bell rings -

VOICE:- The other guy gets Murdoch. I get Gok fucking Wan Kanobi -

Gabriel:- Oh, well done sir. Lovely break of the third wall. Seamless -

JC:- Oh dear. Well, hurrying along, going forward, out of the blue sky, -

REJ:- Thinking the unthinkable -

JC:- Oh, you had the meetings too -

REJ:- Would you like some eternal torture? -

JC:- What? Are you mad? Oh I see! A prompt. Thanks. Start again. Would you like some eternal torture? -

REJ:- Yes please -

JC:- No!!! You're not meant to say that! At the meeting -

REJ:- Wel I was just trying to speed things up -

JC:- I lose my place if you don't do the script -

REJ:- You've got the manual there -

JC:- Let's see...Would you like me to torture your children? -

REJ:- long will you be wanting them for? Only it's Nina and the neurones in ten minutes -

JC:- Can't you just watch it without them? -

REJ:- It's best to have an excuse -

JC:- Well, would you like me, or one of my representatives, to relieve you of all your possessions? -

REJ:- er...let me see -

VOICE:- He's doing all the fucktarded wanky ones!!! Gabriel! He's doing all the ridiculous ones! -

Gabriel:- the manual Sir, maybe -

VOICE:- WHHH---AAAA----TTT???!!! Did I or did I not instruct the scribes to take out all the piss-dribbling wanky ones, and just leave in the reasonable plagiarised ones? Gabriel! -

Gabriel:-'ve got to go toilet -

VOICE:- You haven't got an arse! Gabriel! Get over here. Look into my invisible eyes. You're thinking something aren't you? -

Gabriel:- I'm....considering the lilies -

VOICE:- I can read your mind you gurning imbecile! 'Why didn't I write it myself?' Sound familiar? Heard it before anywhere? 'Ring a bell' does it?!
I do tablets. Stone! I write on stone. Not fucking papyrus. I write on rocks with fucking lightning! Isn't that good enough for them?

Gabriel:- I'm sure I don't know, Sir, if Sir perhaps dreamt up a new that tortured children....

VOICE:- Write this down Gabriel. 'Suicide is no longer a sin' -

Gabriel:- *scribble!* er...forgive me, but is this wise, your trajesty, only when they pop themselves off -

VOICE:- Fuck! I just can't win can I? I wish I'd never been conceived -

Clarence:- Oh!, but you mustn't be talking like that! Wait a minute....ah, yes! Good idea. Now listen, God, you've really been given an incredible gift. I'm going to show you what it would be like if you'd never been conceived....

*'dream' sequence*

VOICE:- Clarence! Clarence! Help me Clarence! I don't care who you are, or how you do these things.....just get me back! Take me back to my plagues and hellfire! I wanna kill again! Please Clarence! I wanna kill again...Let me kill again.

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

A brief history of horseshit

REJ:- *click!* Aw, bollox -

Dr.B:- Hello! I'm Dr. Bendi's long lost cousin, Dr. Binde -

REJ:- That's all I needed to hear -


Dr.B:- Now I know you don't mind, so I've whopped your satnav out the car, and I'm going to put it in your DVD player...

Plant:- *wilt!*

Dr.B:- Hmmm...perhaps another go -

Goldfish:- *drown!*

Dr.B:- Maybe it needs some string...

Fly:- *bangheadwindow!*

Dr.B:- Perhaps if I draw a picture of what I might be seeing -

Spider:- *noose!*

Dr.B:- Wel, what about a 20D screen, pump it up a bit, bake for -

Gun:- *entice!*

Dr.B:- *BigBang*

The A-maze-in Randy

Nawrte, it's very easy to crucify 1/3rd of oneself, albeit ridiculous, but visibly-bearded homosexuellist paranormal 'investigator', Jim Randy, fancies he can do better than the Queer-fearing Almighty, with the aid of a certain befuddled, broken old Mosaic. Croeso i Llanfihangel-y-Creuddun, Jim Randy! -

JR:- Hi gang -

REJ:- Ho de ho. First up, your protuberance has not escaped my slight taff hand -

JR:- You mean, what's up my wizard's sleeve? -

REJ:- I'm not sure -

JR:- Well, stick your arm in, don't be shy, rummage around -

REJ:- I'm a celebrity -

JR:- You know you want to, why deny it? -

REJ:- Sioned says -

JR:- Sioned's not here -

REJ:- Wel, as long as my friends don't find out...


UG:- Hello! It's me, Urrrri Geller, with my magic powerrrrrs.

REJ:- Can I have another go? -

JR:- The first time's often disappointing -

UG:- I am great friend Michael Jackson - *Ooof!*

REJ:- He doesn't seem to fit back in -

JR:- Grease him up. Sometimes they get bigger when they're out -

UG:- I am great friend libel lawyer -

REJ:- Anything up the other one? -

JR:- Er...I've only got the one, Richard. But have a try anyway -

UG:- Don't ask me to make the tea. Not with my magic powerrrrrrs -

REJ:- Ok lets nail him up -

JR:- Now, in here, Richard, are some very special 'miracle-proof' nails. They have been independently checked by God, and kept in this secret safe, the key to which has, for some slightly superfluous reason, been increted about my person -

REJ:- What do you mean, 'increted'? -

JR:- Er...

UG:- Don't ask me to wind your watch. Not with my magic powerrrrrs -

REJ:- Ten to be sure then -

JR:- Hey, I can still touch my toes! - Reach for the star! -


REJ:- Bless you -

JR:- There's a hammer too -

REJ:- ffs.

UG:- I can make you think of a house, with smoke coming out of the chimney. With my magic pow -

REJ:- Right! In we go! -


JR:- Or you could just use yours on the shelf there -

UG:- Don't put your tools in my hands. Not with my -

REJ:- Ok let's do him -

JR:- O...kay...

REJ:- No! Nail the fucker up! Jesus Christ, Randy! You haven't made it long enough. Don't you come prepared? When I was in the local scouts -

UG:- You know when that ball missed a penalty. That was me. Using my -

JR:- Try it upside down. Sometimes it works better the wrong way -

REJ: Look, lets just use the table -

UG:- Is it a metal table? Only -

JR:- Just ram it in the hole, I'll try and grip it, then we'll see if we can't stick it up a few more inches -

UG:- I can tell if there's water in your taps. Sometimes. You see I use my -

REJ:- These bics will have to do for a crown of thorns -

JR:- I think there might be a staple gun in there. I was having some builders in, and -

UG:- I can call for world peace. Using my magic powerrrrr -

REJ:- Fuck it! The holes don't line up. I'll get my podger out -

JR:- Go for it Richard! We're nearly there! -

UG:- *aiiiieee!.....bang!......OOOOOoaaaYYYY!!!*

JR:- Few more bangs -

REJ:- Much harder than I thought it would be -

JR:- Faster! Faster! Give it the big one! -

REJ:- Phil Bennett...Oh that's beautiful!....Gerald Davies....what was he doing there?.....Gareth Edwards!....Edwards is going in!.....What a score!!! -

JR:- If the greatest writer of the written word -

UG:- *Bend!!!.....Drop!.....Hee Hee!.....Scarper!*

REJ:- Wtf????!!!! -

UG:- You can't catch me! Not with my magic pow....errrrr....rrrr....rrrrrrs!!! -

JR:- Iesu Mawr! He really was a bigger bender than Jesus after all -

REJ:- Hairy nun's bollocks -

JR:- Fuck that's cost me a million. Bugger. -

REJ:- Ok, may as well. But please, watch your language.

Monday, 21 November 2011

No time like the present poem for the day

A man who forgot to wear socks
Was found banging his head against rocks
Now if only he'd said
We were really all dead
Then we wouldn't be such silly Cox
Cuckoo clocks
Then we wouldn't be such silly Cox
O happy days! when Jesus walked
His miracles divine
I wonder why He couldn't cut
His nails, as I can mine
No wonder He was cross
Rhythm, rhythm everywhere
Can you combine the meter?
Now hear me in my finery
I tell you logic's binary
And when it fails 'tis science that ails
Did I miss a line?
Did I misalign?
I draw a blank
Averse! Avast! did I say draw?
Are pictures, maths, and words the same,
Big numbers small combined with awe
Is longer squiggles quite the game?
But how would you know
If time didn't flow
Oh please do have a go
Look at the ants!
Look at the ants!
It looks like they're thinking!
Now if you wonder what's the smell
'Tis I, forget my pants as well.

REJ:- Other end of the telescope perhaps.

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

To Keats

There came a sunbeam in the room
And with it swirled the magic loom
By Sirius calling from afar
A galaxy within a star

The prism cast untangled motes
That danced to play aeolian notes
Now here a chord but there a rest
Wherever grasping reason test

An Ark was floating in the ray
I listened to Creations play
And I was off there hand in hand
To Oberon, and fairy land.

REJ:- Now that's just showing off. Try with one hand behind your back -

JK:- I only used three pints of blood

Monday, 14 November 2011

The game of chess

Indeed. Wel, I see from my ffenestr, through it even, albeit 4% of the photons are rebounding at the particular thickness I'm looking thrupon, that it is once again National born killers celebration day. Led by Her Trajesty the Brenhiness Liz of England-world, and her trusty steed, Nearlysir Nicholas of Witchell.

Now before I go on, if any of you have any relatives killed in the wars, then be consoled that it was very probably at the trigger of another coward who trembled before the false judge of peer pressure, and fancied killing a lesser crime than embarassment. That, or a psychopath.

This Christmas, be sure to ask any remnants how many they killed, and in what manner. Best after the Queen's speech, and before the Bond film. Oh yes, and remember to vote. It may be a cliche, but it's a part-of-speech worth dying slightly earlier for, and worth even more if you can take others with you.

Poppies beget poppies.

Now if you play chess, you'll know what a sacrifice is. It is not losing a piece that is already en prise. You will know what it is to be forked, say between the dope-fiend Cameron, and the arsonist Clegg. Locking up children for typing on facebook. You will know there are rules to the game, that now transcend accidents of geography and history. You will realise you were born playing. You know what move to play in zugzwang. You know a forced win when you have one, you know the soundness of an opening is unaffected by blunders, or by the board being knocked over. You know half a move is no move, and you know all must lose on time.

Now play up, play up, and play the immortal game.

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Poem for the day

Wel, what a funny month that was. I blame the Gregorians. Now genius maps it's own destination, and with me heddiw, is Cartographer Royal, and Mythomancer to the Pope, Iolo a'i Keyslost. Iolo has his quirks - as do we all - and he has kindly brought them with him, and rather buggered up the seating arrangements. No matter! To be done with such minute and literal trifling. Iolo a'i Keyslost - croeso i Llanfihangel-y-Creuddyn! -

Ia'K:- Should that mutate to i Lanfihangel? -

REJ:- f knows -

Ia'K:- Wel, I should know, because you're pretending me'm a real Welsh person -

REJ:- Wel, look it up then -

Ia'K:- But I'm not supposed to have to look it up. I'm supposed to know instinctively, like a native -

REJ:- ffs, it's only one letter -

Ia'K:- Ll is only one letter. You do Welsh crosswords don't you? -

REJ:- Not very well -

Ia'K:- Wel, wouldn't you like to improve? -

REJ:- *hoof!.....miaow!* - Now look what you made me do -

Ia'K:- Hmmmm....a 'creative'. How did refusing a lawyer go? -

REJ:- Rather well I thought. At first. My refutation of the doctrine of one law for all, and the lack of objective morality -

Ia'K:- They locked you out, didn't they? -

REJ:- I hadn't finished! Where is the justice? I was just getting to the good bit -

Ia'K:- You're banned from every police cell in the county -

REJ:- There are other counties! And countries! -

Ia'K:- Shall I do my poem or what? -

REJ:- I don't see why you get to. Half way through my Magna Carta in limericks, I -

Ia'K:- The Cat's Whiskers.

The Cat's Whiskers.

Into the kitchen, came three mice
And no, not blind, 'cos that's not nice
One held a whisk, another twirled
The last merely bowed, as the cream was whirled

Friday, 28 October 2011

Not-snuffing it

See what you do if you're ever over-minded about snuffing it etc is notice you've been snuffing it every half a second without noticing it. How many Marx for that? One two or three? I'd give it one. Effortless, absolutely effort less. Nearly halloween. Cheer Bertie for the conquest. The last non-judgement day.

A Sagan noGUT feeling. No grave conCERN. Argumentum ad resultum. 50,000,000 fans can't be wrong. See end of Ancestor's tale. I say it different. Unpeccavi. Scirelicet. QED. I rhyme for fun.

Ok, I'll be straight with you.

A single GUT is impossible since it would be circular.

The minimum fundamental theory number is two for cross-reference calibration of observations.

All instruments are fabricated and operated within spacetime.

Science fails at the fringes. Extra, or longer hypotheses do nothing. Longer equations do nothing. Write maths in words and you have longer equations with no improvement in knowledge. Extra spacetimes do nothing. Different interpretations do nothing. Extra times a la Hawking are an infinite regression.

Science gathers knowledge. It works unconsciously.

I tell you the limits of science. Silly Cox.

Thursday, 27 October 2011


Straighter it all feels unnatural
But don't use super for the factual
Just throw away the big OT
And more gay get the Oscar, thee
You keep the A and lose the G
I wonder if you saw that I
Just left a letter there called Y
It's all in one the glitterin' I
Just find someone who's in align
You'll find yourself and then we'll shine
If you need three well then that's fine
One makes infinity a line
The Trinity was ne'er divine
If you can fragile thinking snag
Unstitch the god upon the flag
The father and the mother higher
Created Somme and lit the fire
Could millions have all been wrong?
Weigh miracles on scales of song
It is the music of the spheres
But piper plays king rat of fears

REJ:- Wel they're getting worse, so you're getting better. Not quite the bad news yet. If you can control the weather, why is it raining? Ah, you're going to sell umbrellas.

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

The Last Word

I loved you there now love me back
The last word is command of language
Love and shine and you'll be thine
See one above I changed the rhyme
I use the rhythm
You see I've been the heaven-taught
Then beaten Hume with ought from nought
I see the sun and how it Burns
I recognised that's how it learns
I melted as the Icarus
I waxed the magic abacus
You've seen the ploughman in the plough
You'll see I steal from Keats next now
Just whoosh and shoosh to feel his wow
The brightest star fell first that's how
You see it isn't very hard
To bendigeidfran steal the bard
He tried so hard to hug the world
To be or not then it unfurled
But really he just went and swirled
Became the scatatonic curled
You see the writer never writ
Fitzgerald did it in a fit
You see I've unrepeated wit
You sometimes hate your self you see
To save your own humanity
You hang your self upon the cross
To shrive you from your albatross
But that was numb who gave the toss?
I'll tell you who twas you and me
Must love each other ever free
You see the numbers in the word
And only number feelers heard
Put you and thou and we get thine
You see now what it means to shine
What waves the water makes the sea
We sail upon eternity
I give it us in 1:1
The truth that words is numbers gone
It looks like every kind of madness
Has claimed complete my error sadness

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

I can't ever stop

I let you see my conscious stream
I told you how within the dream
We stopped a while got milk from cream
You see it feels inside with gleam
You see that Collin's water froze
The wetter has unbetter flows
We see his god has been mere prose
You see how high and low I fell
To see the heaven and the hell
Confess it was my own hysteria
To unify the magisteria
You see I dared completely face
And that explains the fall from grace
You see it is the curse of Cader
Tobe subtractor and the adder
I slept upon the mountain ill
That's why I couldn't come back still
You wonder how Napoleon
Just told me we were real and one
He's come and been my Waterloo
I've said there's nothing I can do
I listened far too hard and heard
The whisper magic in the word
You see the psycho and the pomp
See he's been led the merry romp
You see the clown contains the frown
He's inside out and upside down
You see it now the known in noun
I tell you why the drinker Huw
Dissolved in drink I've done it too
You see it wasn't really nice
To drink the milk of paradise
I tell me ever in the tic
But mys so Bertie says I'm sick
See I can't have the higher power
Being only then and nower
I saw myself back off the bower
To lose both petals and the flower
See how I tried to think them back
It gave me quite a thinkattack
I travel back in time and place
Unbirth my self I'm off my face
You see it's not a chose profession
Just my ultimate confession
The unreal doctor said obsession
You see I'm all in my digression
You see that I've not been quite proper
Such a silly name a dropper
You see I couldn't be so fine
I lost my Ein within the Stein
I've had to cheer between each breath
I've had to clear there's nothing left
You see why I must drink to Death
So Elvis saw when he got round
And thought he could newmake a sound
You see that he went all reversy
Drugged up singing Lord have mercy
To him I give his dedication
Now I take his medication
And that has been the altercation

Softest for the muse

You see we are the special art
For you I'm tearing out my heart
I really haven't been divine
I've just felt love is yours and mine

Too shard

Too shard it was
The schizophrene
You see I didn't mean to mean
So sorry that is all I've been
You see I've died between the ins
You see I tried to see my sins
You see I tried too much to feel
And then I felt unreally real
You see how I have tried too much
And fallen in and out with touch
Now we can't do this not as such
You see I saw between illusion
You see I felt the self delusion
Now I have tripped to see unglimpse
I've tried to make us restless since
You see it's all in the unseens
You see what died for us now means
You see how time I had to break
To later see what time did make
You see it was too shard awake
You have to fracture then remake
See I unravelled all the way
That's all I really meant to say
You see it can't be really feared
For I have only disappeared
You see I tried but surely failed
You see the ailment in the ailed
It must be scorned and not be hailed
I'm wailing to an empty sky
and not-god told me I must die
You see I've really done my best
And how I must be slain to rest
You see you musn't really try
To split the how and then the why
Don't listen or you'll really cry

Monday, 24 October 2011

Poem for eternity

You see it was a golden drip to kiss the face of god. x

Now a poem further within itself

The mirror of eternity.

I dripped to see the final drop
Now don't do this it hurts the lot
You also find it's hard to stop
To see through time and butarhyme

You see I've put the feels in there
You see we're real but unaware
You see we really mustn't dare

You see the zombie eats himself
You see how poor to have such wealth
Now go and check your mental health
It's hard because you ask your self

You see the snake eternal woo
Don't let the trickster eat you too
You see I'm me and we are you

You see how I must disappoint
You see why Shakespeare said aroynt
You see the stage that isn't there
You see we've had to strangely stare
Now don't blame me that isn't fair

You see we've fallen off so far
We've had to see the atoms jar

It's sad I've really got no hair
You see I felt it in despair
It's lucky that I wasn't there

You see that I must be your brother
You see that each reflects another

The song of the universe

REJ:- Now Dr.Bendi's going to come in here, but I won't see him till later if he goes through the door of perception and unpercepts. He does that sort of thing and that's why I changed my address to nowhere.

You see how odd it is to be
You see that is how is must be
You see the oddness is in me
For I's contain reality
Now just dissolve and see like me
You see we're really poetry

You see how that must look quite odd
The metaphor to not-see god
But come along dissolve with me
And we'll resolve reality

I'm looking inbetween the words
Reporting back my silly heards
Now you should hear them as absurds

You see the logic doesn't fit
Now fall apart to see it split
You now can go through either slit

You see if you can't hear the harking
Ask the one who's ever barking
See he might be never larking
You have to inverse schizophrene
To see the magic inbetween

You see we're in the final dot
Dissolve it and resolve the lot
You see you shouldn't mind a jot
You feel the warmth is cold and hot

You see how it must look perverse
To back unwind the universe
You see one must transcend the hearse
Now that was bad but I've done worse

You see that there was time inside
You see it used the where to hide
You see I haven't really lied
You see to do is suicide

You see now what means in and out
You see no longer have to doubt
You see now that you're really real
Now isn't that so nice to feel?

Here's how to do the witless bit
You'll see the wit's contained in it
You have to do the silly split
And then you'll get the point of it

You see it's all within the one
You see the magic how it's done
Now don't be feared it can be fun
So see me quickly or I'm gone
But if you really want to know
You ask the one who has to glow

You see we've got the shorter range
And we've seen nothing ever change
Now shouldn't we sound very strange?
You see how conscious must be shattered
To see to mind how nothing mattered

You want to see the cube not flipping
You'll never see that while you're tripping
You have to ask the one who's dripping
You see you mustn't be complete
You see to trust the synaesthete

You see I've melted just for you
You see how you can try it too
It's something that we mustn't do
I've told you nothing and it's true

Be careful now the voice you're heeding
I'm faster now my words are bleeding
You see I wasn't special pleading
You see through time the final dot
You see dissolve and then you're not
You seeknow how you really ain't
With neither picture nor the paint
You see this is to decompose
You see you shouldn't be who knows
You see it's you, he wasn't missing
You see the face of god I'm kissing
You see that we must take the while
To flip the arch from frown to smile
You see how we must be forgetters
With space and time in the same letters
You see the master puppeteer
You see the one who writes in fear
He's told you it it's all in here

You see how I have yet been true
You see I'm saving me and you
You see we've had to fall apart
To truly say how great thou art

REJ:- *click!* What? How did you get in here?

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

Happy keystone poem for the day

The happy keystone
Looked left and right
It was buttressed snug and tight
Left to solid materialism
Right to liquid sensationalism
The arch, from a certain perspective, formed a knowing smile.

Sunday, 18 September 2011

Streetlamp RH407

Oh! if I a penny had
For every time that I went mad
I'd bank them in a biscuit tree
And draw the interest for my tea

Yes. Sixteen metres past the SPAR, left under the arch off West Street, grid ref:052197, Streetlamp RH407 stands proud and tall, a shining beacon of hope and more general lampitude, and king of all he illuminates of that alley down to those houses down by there...

REJ:- Nawrte, Streetlamp RH407 -

SLRH407:- *Ooof!* -

REJ:- Mind your head! -

SLRH407:- Don't worry - I'm used to it. *Ouch!* -

REJ:- Watch that! That's Sioned's mother's commemorative jockstrap -

SLRH407:- Sorry! Bit cramped your place, -

REJ:- Wel if you'd rather go back out in the rain -

SLRH407:- No, No! I was only saying -

REJ:- Wel don't. And that anglepoise is spoken for, so you can stop with the flickering -

SLRH407:- I wasn't! I was just -

REJ:- I've heard all about you streetlamps, and your streetlamply ways, RH407, wel not in my house. As long as you are somewhat partially under my roof -

SLRH407:- Ok, Ok! I won't do it again, honest! Lovely set of springs though -

REJ:- Stop it!...Oooh! I see what you mean....yes...Mmmmmm....nawrte, where was I? -

SLRH407:- Just over there, Richard, on the sofa -

REJ:- Ah yes. I still am. Diolch. Now Streetlamp RH407, you must have seen some sights in your time -

SLRH407:- Oooh yes, yes indeed! Indeed I have, Richard! The sights I have seen! The stories I could tell! I could tell you in fact, right here, right now -

REJ:- Wel go on then! Though perhaps not the one about Meinir Thomas -

SLRH407:- I've still got the dent -

REJ:- You're not alone. Do one of the others. Like she did -

SLRH407:- By Edison I shall! Can I count on your discretion? -

REJ:- You can try, but my abacus -

SLRH407:- Well one night, Richard, a dark, lonely night, - it was night-time you see - I woke up, slightly red at first - you know how it is -

REJ:- Been there lampy, been there -

SLRH407:- There was a cat. Miaowing, just at the back of the Red Cross shop. -

REJ:- Oooh! What colour was it? -

SLRH407:- Black. Everything is black, Richard. But when I looked at it, it became a sort of dark brown. With white paws -

REJ:- Unusual -

SLRH407:- I thought so -

REJ:- Please continue -

SLRH407:- It miaowed quite plaintively, for maybe ten minutes - perhaps in hope of some food or comfort, a morsel of nutritional or emotional sustenance, a scrap, a crumb, perhaps the kindly brush of a fellow mammal, -

REJ:- *miaooooooow!* -

SLRH407:- Bit louder, down a semitone -

REJ:- *MIIAAaaaaaoowW!* -

SLRH407:- That's it. Then it looked up, and trotted off into the night. -

REJ:- Oooh! I wonder where it went. And what it saw. And what stories it could tell. And did it find that morsel crumb of nutritional and/or emotional sustenance. And -

SLRH407:- It got run over by Dai Edwards' Mazda 323 -

REJ:- The red one? -

SLRH407:- Black, Richard. Everything is black before I look at it. But yes, the red one. -

REJ:- Perhaps another -

SLRH407:- It was a dark, dark night. A dark and lonely night. All around was dark. Dark as sable, dark as coal, dark as -

REJ:- Yes, yes! Get to the good bit! -

SLRH407:- I'm setting the scene! -

REJ:- Sorry - I just get impatient. Sioned says I always go off before -

SLRH407:- As I was saying, it was a dark, dark, lonely night. All was dark. I woke up, slightly red at first, and saw some fag butts on the pavement. One was still glowing! -

REJ:- Oooh! It must have been recently cast! -

SLRH407:- Undoubtedly. One becomes expert in these matters in my line of work. Observation, Richard. Observation, then illumination. What sights had that fag butt seen? What stories could it tell? Was it from lover's lips untimely ripped and tossed? An urgent text, a failing friend?, a fortune won and lost, what end? What inspired that parting hand? What caused the lately-littered land? Beneath the light of -

REJ:- Ok that's enough. What happened? -

SLRH407:- It rolled into the gutter and went out. -

REJ:- One more then. That's all my heart can take -

SLRH407:- It was a dark, dark, -

REJ:- ffs -

SLRH407:- It was a less than light, post-day. -

REJ:- It's the element of surprise that gets you -

SLRH407:- Streetlamp RH406 woke up before me. I looked across the street, and saw something very strange. Or should I say noticed - as I'd seen it before -

REJ:- You've saved the best till last, I can tell -

SLRH407:- His face was lit up, and so was the pavement beneath him. But inbetween... -

REJ:- *...zzzzzzzz...* -

SLRH407:- ...I mean, I could see he was looking at the floor...but -

REJ:- *...zzzzzzzz...* -

SLRH407:- It was invisible. The inbetween. I could see right through it to the house behind. The light from the house...-

REJ:- *...zzzzzzz...* -

SLRH407:- ...the light from the house passed through the light from RH406...the invisible light....

REJ:- *...zzzzzzz...* -

SLRH407:- And so I noticed light is invisible, and it passes through other light completely unaffected. Even though the photons must collide -

REJ:- *...zzzzzzz...Snort!* - You only had to look around...anywhere -

SLRH407:- I'm not a swivel lamp. I can only look in straight lines -

REJ:- Try again a bit smaller. Look through that fence -

SLRH407:- I'm not Superlamp -

REJ:- Through those gaps I meant -

SLRH407:- I've gone cross-eyed -

REJ:- Wel, don't interfere with yourself -

SLRH407:- There's only one of me here now - you can see that -

REJ:- Who was it then? -

SLRH407:- My shadow from a parallel universe -

REJ:- I've got a splitting head.

Thursday, 15 September 2011

I'm sorry I haven't a Dragon's Den

Bluelips Humph:- Hello and welcome to I'm sorry I haven't a Dragon's Den, the antidote to business gameshows. As usual, Samantha will be scoring this evening. Incidentally, Samantha has taken up a new hobby, making honey-scented candles. To put on her new furniture. To listen to the Eurovision song contest. On vinyl. The honey is from her own small hive.


She says she's hoping Sven will come with his 12"s and watch her handling her 38 bees during the Greek entry while she gets the honey and wax off the tall boy.

Let's meet the teams. On my right, Theo Peechimspediment and Duncan Jailbird, and on my left, token female sociopath and Thetallone.


Bearded one:- What about me? -

BHumph:- No, you got caught trying to buy a baby for cash. Here is the first pitch:-

Herr Tzinger:- Guten abend. Ich haben ein szuper business plan fur machen ze grossen heaps of geld. Ya. -

Duncan Jailbird:- Are you using Google translate? -

HT:- Ich vollen runnen ein transnational commercial paedophile ring -

Theo Peechimspediment:- What are your last three year's audited accounts? -

HT:- Hier ist ein picture of mein house -

Theo Peechimspediment:- What are your last three year's audited accounts? -

HT:- Du only ever hast ein question dumnkopf -

Duncan Jailbird:- Paedophilia is usually a family business, so ah'm oot. -

Thetallone:- What is your USP? -

HT:- Immunity from prosecution. -

Token female sociopath:- Impressive. How long have you been in this business? -

HT:- 2000 years -

Tfs:- do have first-mover advantage -

HT:- Vatican Crescent! -


Tuesday, 6 September 2011

The abiolution of evogenesis

Semi-bulimic 'Tubby' Evans, has a new job as an eating dog for the anorexic, following a successful anti-discrimination appeal to the European court of canine rights. In a landmark ruling, the court upheld his claim to lupine concestry, by 12 barks to 3, declaring Tubby to be 'dog in all but form and function'. The plaintiff has asked for 13 million other species to be taken into consideration.

REJ:- Wel Duw, duw, there you have it, isn't it? A forty page pull-out on the rygby Cwpan y Byd. Yes. Shane 'magic daps' Williams. Wel, I've put down my Western Mail, and am gazing out of the window like a tired goat -


REJ:- Aha! That sound most surely heralds the departure of my little nestoffireants. Sioned is off to her co-dependency cure group. She has to go once a week, and do what they say, or she'll be cured. Yes. But everyone should have a hobby - keeps the mice down. Now today we have Dr. A.G.Cairns-Smith to present an obsolete solution to a non-question. I don't know why either. I do know how though. He's going to use his mouth, preadaptated for ingestion, but which now does words too. Dr. A.G. Cairns-Smith! Croeso i -

Dr.AGCS:- Llanfihangel-y-Creuddun. Yes. Some beginnings are more obvious than others -

REJ:- Wel, I've no idea what that meant, but let's go back in time now -

Dr.AGCS:- Oooh goody! -

REJ:- Yes, people like that sort of thing - so let's go back in time to before your quantum consciousness fluff book, to when you were a genius. -

Dr.AGCS:- Oh, lets go a bit further.

REJ:- Take me all the way bigboy! -

Dr.AGCS:- Well I might stop at physics -

REJ:- Thank fuck for that. You've got to leave a little bit of magic. Not a lot! ahaha. That was my Paul Daniels. Actually....I don't want him. You have him -

Dr.AGCS:- ? -

REJ:- I'd play Mike Phillips for the Springbok game. He's a nasty -

Dr.AGCS:- At some point you're going to have to pretend to be interested, or it won't work -

REJ:- Professor Smithcairns! I have always wondered, which came first? the chicken or the egg? Yes. Ever since I saw 'Chicken run'. I was quite surprised to learn chickens couldn't fly too - the premise of the film. Perhaps it was intended for an urban audience -

Dr.AGCS:- Speciation was solved in 1859. But keep it as a short-cut cliche to mean a paradox if you like -

REJ:- Ok I will. What was the next thing I was pretending to find important? -

Dr.AGCS:- Well, the origin of life you dimwit. The first cell - that sort of thing -

REJ:- But Dr.Venternstein already makes better life from non-life. And the big G couldn't make a book. It's a mismatch. Like Shane Williams against Brian Habana -

Dr.AGCS:- It is the greatest mystery of all time. After time -

REJ:- Wel, you feed me my lines then and I'll type them out while secretly thinking of the rygby -

Dr.AGCS:- *scribble!.....rustle!* -


Dr.AGCS:- Hang on, you need this transcriptor...

REJ:- er...

Dr.AGCS:- I've made it out of 1cm beads, each representing -

REJ:- Just say it's complicated -

Dr.AGCS:- And it's gone three times round your village -

REJ:- It's a town! - the oldest in mid-Wales, the gateway to the -

Dr.AGCS:- But that's not all you'll need. You'll also need this read/write machinery, a chemobio industrial complex, an enterprize zone estatesworth of factories, a -

REJ:- You're using more letters than is necessary -

Dr.AGCS:- Oooh! Good one. I'll just say it's complicated then. And all the size of very small compared to very larger things. But that wasn't the main point -

REJ:- Of course not. Er...

Dr.AGCS:- The main point was, and is, that the system is interdependent. And so we have a paradox, like the -

REJ:- Like the goose and the egg! And the non-flying chickens. They must be good at climbing trees. Wel, now I am interested. Because Stephen Jones is injured, and Priestland has been playing very well -

Dr.AGCS:- And the only way to get a highly complex interdependent system is by evolution -

REJ:- Hook could play fullback -

Dr.AGCS:- Shame about Henson -

REJ:- Yes, I'll never know what he saw in that nymphomaniac multi-millionairess -

Dr.AGCS:- You say 'Evolution appears to require a lot of complex interdependent machinery, that could only have evolved, what is the least amount of machinery required for evolution?, none would be good' -

REJ:- Evolution appears to require a lot of complex interdependent machinery, that could only have evolved, what is the least amount of machinery required for evolution?, none would be good -

Dr.AGCS:- I'm glad you asked that question, Richard. The answer's none. -

REJ:- But you said -

Dr.AGCS:- Can I say 'naked' without you doing some puerile 'joke'? -

REJ:- Life is a gamble -

Dr.AGCS:- I prefer 'naturally occurring machinery' -

REJ:- Wel, if you can just make up your definitions -

Dr.AGCS:- The word was made up rather later. Before we knew approximately all life is invisible. By species, by biomass, by -

REJ:- By thunder hurry up I'm getting bored again -

Dr.AGCS:- It's rather difficult to draw a line in the soup. In fact it's silly - nothing particularly lifey either side of any line then -

REJ:- You're just miffed the 'impossible' molecules-of-life fall out of the sky on a regular basis. Like space croutons -

Dr.AGCS:- Parable of the Sower -

REJ:- Some fell on stony ground -

Dr.AGCS:- I can go pre-soup. Before the traditional starter. Just because the likelier answer is easypeasylemonsqueezy doesn't make mine not fantabulous. And much cleverer - I solved a harder problem than there was -

REJ:- You couldn't get simpler -

Dr.AGCS:- Naked genes. -

REJ:- *wince!* -

Dr.AGCS:- You're meant to say 'What's a naked gene?' -

REJ:- What's a...*Gnnnnrrrr!* I can't do it -

Dr.AGCS:- It will get better with time -

REJ:- Been forty years -

Dr.AGCS:- A naked gene is a gene with no separate phenotype. The phenotype is intrinsic to the structure. Thus replication, heredity, - evolution - requires no machinery at all...-

REJ:- And there is such a thing? -

Dr.AGCS:- Oooh heaps - a worldful. Have a look -

REJ:- You're not expecting anyone to read 'Genetic takeover' surely? -

Dr.AGCS:- ...mutation, adaptation, exaption - all intrinsic to the -

REJ:- There you are - you can make up words fine. But you had to choose -

Dr.AGCS:- Surely Hooky for outside-half.

Friday, 2 September 2011

The Fifth Estate

Indeed. Wel, we all remember the Gulf War - pick a number - during the entertaining Q-out-of-James-Bond drivel bit at the starts, when the TV proclaimed that a spy satellite could see a dime and call heads or tails, but somehow couldn't see a big fuck-off missile base. Not if there wasn't one. Now a shit country, that can't beat up Texas, I mean Iran, in 8 years of trying - no matter how much you paid them - represents a very clear and present danger of horseshit on the newyddion. Hmmm....can't seem to find that BBC interview with Kelly's paramedics....never mind.

But everyone likes a kindly elder brother to do their editing for them. Isn't it? Who among us has the time and insomnia and paranoid delusions to compare the World Service breaking news in the small hours, with the corrected 6pm version? Certainly not me. I've got better things to do. Yes. TV licensing vans operate in my area. Do they? I've never bought one of their 'ice-creams'.

Anyway. Gyda fi heddiw, was going to be wikileeks founder, whateverisnamewas, only he has been suddenly taken criminal. And advised not to comment. Instead we find ourselves delighted to encroeso Dr.Pleasewatcheastenders, Minister for Freedom from information.

Dr.PWE:- Hello. -

REJ:- Watcher. -

Dr.PWE:- Lovely day -

REJ:- Good just to be alive -

Dr.PWE:- I can control the weather you know. I first noticed -

REJ:- Imelda Marcos. Nawrte. Truth - good or bad? -

Dr.PWE:- Bad. That might be the truth. You wouldn't know! -

REJ:- Hmmm....what about this wikileeks then isn't it wasn't it don't you etc?

Dr.PWE:- Bad! Very bad. Very bad for security -

REJ:- What do you mean, security? -

Dr.PWE:- Well, my job security for a start. security. Yes, that was it -

REJ:- How is it bad for national security? -

Dr.PWE:- I'm afraid I'm not at liberty -

REJ:- Lovely summing up. But try this truth drug -

Dr.PWE:- They don't work -

REJ:- I just wanted a hug. Lie down and have a drink then -

Dr.PWE:- That's not drinking, not really -

REJ:- Wel, I'll wire you up to Jeremy Kyle's allimportant lie detector then -

Dr.PWE:- You do realise we are at code amber do you? -

REJ:- What's code amber? -

Dr.PWE:- Code amber means unattended luggage might be lost. -

REJ:- Oooh what's code red then? -

Dr.PWE:- Code red means it's the annual budget review, and time to not-announce all the threats we've prevented -

REJ:- Wel, how about for a Scooby snack then? -

Dr.PWE:- Every man has his price. Make it two and you're on -

REJ:- Nope. One or no deal -

Dr.PWE:- You can't break bastard!....whimper! -


Dr.PWE:- Ok. It's like this. When you're in a war on terror, it is often a good idea to support terrorist regimes. If that's what you're against -

REJ:- Gadaffi -

Dr.PWE:- Bless you -

REJ:- I understand. Er...

Dr.PWE:- And if you're against torture, it is an even gooder idea to torture people. To prevent torture you see -

REJ:- With you so far...let me try one....if you are pro human rights, the first thing you should do is -

Dr.PWE:- Violate them -

REJ:- I was going to say that! -

Dr.PWE:- There may be an opening for you in -

REJ:- And a society that scorns international law, conducts illegal wars, and tortures and arbitrarily imprisons without trial, is -

Dr.PWE:- A society that must be defended at all costs! -

REJ:- Not one already lost? -

Dr.PWE:- Not at all. That is an extraordinary rendition. -

REJ:- Perhaps these values could be exported! And even work their way back to us! -

Dr.PWE:- A virtuous circle! The exclamation marks could be patronising btw -

REJ:- I hope so. Nawrte, you've convinced me, but you'd better make something else up to justify your existence to the fence-sitters. Try secret defence plans -

Dr.PWE:- Secret defence plans.

REJ:- Perhaps ham it up a bit -

Dr.PWE:- Secret defence plans are very important. It's not just 'attack their military and infrastructure, what are on Google maps' -

REJ:- Of course not - that's what they'll be expecting. There's 'check the receipts' too -

Dr.PWE:- Bill Hicks. Sort the rebuilding contracts out first of course -

REJ:- Quick! Say AbaraAlQuaeda! -

Dr.PWE:- Couldn't organise a digital camera.

Saturday, 27 August 2011

On Ethics

Nawrte. Ethics has been without foundation since it was first entextualised graphemically ten thousand years ago. Half a million years before that it was merely biographical. Morality is base, automatic organism-level difference-maths, the source before even the youth of the flow of thought, and so half a billion years further before, plants fixed altruism, sharing root space with closer relatives, to their impersonal detriment.

Since all ethical axioms are arbitrary, and effects-calculation endings also, the greatest philosophers have not agreed, nor ever can. Words have no objective meanings, yet language thrives, and may be harsh or affectionate, constructive or destructive, as dictated by the multifactorial influences that so govern all action.

Phenotype is genotype plus environment, to a good approximation - twin height varies by 1.5cm on average. In the last 250 years, height has increased as much as in the previous glacial 250,000. The expression of the inter-subjective consensus language of morality, the narrative of humanity, similarly reflects the avalanche of socioeconomics.

Eudaimonia is in the ear of the audience, and one note cannot make harmony. Any felicific calculus will yield answers that vary with time and geography. There is not one apodictic force. Yet viewed from appropriate distance, the arrow of morality flies ever upwards, ignorant of the paradox of perspective.

The sad jar of atoms and the Spaniel of Destiny

Without God, 'nothing is permitted, and nothing prohibited', as Dostoyevsky more correctly puts it in Crime and Punishment, not the other one D'Souza hasn't read. Fictional characters may differ from their authors, although I would not be surprised to learn of such a cruciphile interviewing a teddy bear, thinking it Enid Blyton. But enough of argumentum ad author.

An action, a thought, and a feel, are the same thing, all actions. A dictionary is a frozen waterfall, words flowed before understanding. Some generosity in parsing is required. Nearly all life is invisible, but that word was made up earlier too. Pedantry stultifies.

Consciousness is an illusion in the generally understood sense. Who is deluded. To see this awake, I mean for a normal person, not a fractional self, or a multiple self, or a no-self - all of which are among us and well known - to see it awake, we are blessed with time, and the variable unfixed and fluid who, the whole that works fine at less than 100%. It requires no special skill, to cross-reference macro self-components, each in turn against another, and prove each false. The who is the whole stadium, parts of the crowd can look across at each other. You see it later in the persistence of envision, the mexican wave.

But that was an aside. Magic or machines it is. There are people who believe in ghosts, yes, but we needn't talk to them for long. Even they must admit machines can not-think better than humans can think. Let them play Humpty Dumpty with their words.

Futurology is simple, technology less predictable. Desire is known. The base and most powerful drives are short-coded once future-proof generalisations. This constitutes the soul of mankind. Rivers of thought, elaborate at estuary, are simple at source and can be read with a mirror, or maths and ESS. The percentages of billions of thoughts are available, not who, but how many. The global phenotype will express. The end of humanity is written in the base desire to survive.

Rocks do not live in a virtual reality, and refute it thus. We may not care about their well-being. People who don't see microwaves do live in a virtual reality. The inter-subjective consensus many-brained extended perception that is science sees microwaves, and though it can never be truly objective, it can work subjective magic, within physics. What will apes with magic do? Become as gods, we will answer our prayers. Savannah prayers. These are known. Savannah prayers to re-weave the rainbow. Like all good poets, we would seek to re-establish paradise lost.

By exaption, not design, immortality will be the death of us. Just as a confused person will tell you they wouldn't want to live in a virtual reality, the majority will always be against immortality. This is irrelevant. The same majority will always be pro medicine, and the machines will fix themselves completely, by exaption. Just as the confused person will tell you they prefer bodies, they will also be anti 'accidents'. Their hands can't feel, their noses can't smell, travel in bodies is popular, but for people who don't know where they are. These same people find broadening their horizons irresistible. And subjective reality is literally irresistible.

Thus minds will transfer to the new platform, the adjacent possible but decades away. Those who prefer to die, the better late than evers, may not influence future events. They discard their opinions.

By design, one could engineer x billion realities, such that each could achieve 'maximal well-being' - to piously parrot someone else. But evolution, not intelligent design, will prevail by democracy. Written further along the epitaph of humanity, is the base desire to communicate.

The incongruence of brains makes the buffering between skinless selfs precarious. Solvable in principle, it will not be by design. Lovers of humanity, as human lovers, desire to merge deeper than self. The integrity of thought requires discreteness as discretion. Self is lost in subsumption to the swarm.

Since birth, humanity has died nightly. Tomorrow there can be no resurrection, and none can mind.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Billy the Kidder

Naive econopoet, no not Milton Keynes, but Robert Owen, of Newtown nonetheless, mid-Wales - where the spireless dreamers are - famelessly built a model village, but at full-size, due to a dimensional reading error. I blame the draughtsmen. You can't trust the chessmen either.

The unfortunate inhabitants of his rom-com pipedream, were fair paid, housed, fed, watered, teached, free-healthed, nurseryed, and free-electricked. But this was 1785. These days per capita GDP is astronomically higher. Still, he was quite good at sayings.

Now, quite often, secondary industry is dependent on primary industry. And sometimes tertiary depends on it as well. But from a bit further away. Happy plankton out of sight. Zones of affluence quintessentially contiguous with zones of deprivation bla bla you failed that Geography course bla. Where wasn't I? Oh yes, at the lectures. Wel, heddiw we are going to do tertiary philanthropy, with guest the first, transnational no-collar racketeer monopolist software pirate, Billy 'the kidder' Gates. Nawtre, Billy bach, I've always hated you - on instinct mainly - but now I've done the research and discovered just how truly disgusting you really are. A very warm welcome to Llanfihangel-y-Creuddun! -

BTK:- Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Give a man a fishing rod, and you've missed a sale. Force a man to buy your fishing rod and you're onto something -

REJ:- I thought that was Sir Allan Sucrose's -

BTK:- It may bear a superficial resemblance to the original memeware. Sue me.

REJ:- Wel, we've quite a charge list. Theft, racketeering, blackmail, genocide by omission, arson -

BTK:- arson?! -

REJ:- Ooops! - diawl twpsyn! - that's Nick Clegg. When he was a disaffected youth. -

BTK:- Sorry, I've not heard of him -

REJ:- Wel, don't bother. He'll be different by the time you've looked him up. Hmmm...Beth shall we dechrau with? -

BTK:- How about my charity work? The Bill and Bill's bird Gates foundation -

REJ:- I just looked it up! It says 'All lives have equal value'. I have just wee'd myself -

BTK:- ?

REJ:- Nawrte. So far you have redistributed 60 billion dollars, from the world, to yourself. -

BTK:- Look, I don't make the rules -

REJ:- Or follow them. Still, if you can buy-pass them like Al Capone -

BTK:- That is a terrible slur! He could only buy the mayor. I do countries -

REJ:- Who do you see in this mirror? -

BTK:- The Good Samaritan. He had money. There is no such thing as society -

REJ:- Thatcher's grandchildren would seem to agree. But some countries have proved difficult to blackmail, haven't they? -

BTK:- If you can't pay the fine, don't do the crime -

REJ:- I'm thinking of Brazil, Cuba, Equador, Venezuela, -

BTK:- You could do how my charity makes me money if you like. Might be a bit subtle -

REJ:- We may have different ideas about what is subtle. For instance, if I could, today, save ten million lives, just by pressing a button, but instead made a motherofpearl xbox and ponced about in a private jet showing it to people, what would that make me? -

BTK:- it a saint?...

REJ:- No Billy. It's a ffwrch of the first order. Of uni-testicular Austrian proportions -

BTK:- I'm sorry, I don't speak Welsh -

REJ:- Trust me you don't want to. You're not anti-trust are you? -

BTK:- No one's going to check legalese, Richard. You know that -

REJ:- Shall we put something in for the IT geeks? Or just say yours is shit and there's better free stuff? -

BTK:- Not if I can help it -

REJ:- Something stinks to high heaven -

BTK:- Perhaps you should change the litter tray. It is quite full -

REJ:- Yes I think I'd rather do that than talk to you. The details are open source -

BTK:- We'll see about that. A crime on every desk -

REJ:- Wish Sioned would let me have a cat.

Saturday, 20 August 2011

Pome for the day

Gossamer, gossamer, dreams of philosopher
Float on the wings of the mind like drosophila
Underpin underglass in a museum
Stolen away before people can see them
Rational explains the irrational way
Hopeless the quest for additional a
People are false from the hat to the chin
And nothing is gained from excising within.

Friday, 19 August 2011

Titanic bail-out

There's more sea! There's more sea!

Now we all believe in paying our debts. Especially business persons. And Bono. But should you pay someone else's? Certainly Jesus thought so - although he did make a bit of a fuss about his lost weekend, and suffering in this world is paid off in the next, so it doesn't count. And he forgot the miracle of turning off suffering - just bad luck he wasn't a Buddhist I suppose.

But some stories make sense. Nawrte, ble were ni? Oh yes. Should you be forced to pay someone else's debt? Wel, clearly no. It would be disgustingly immoral. What then about paying off more than someone else's debt? Wel, landlords think that's fine, and so does the IMF. Let's make like Quentin Crisp, and race to the bottom. Can we think of something worse? I once knew a landlord who bought fair-trade coffee -

* notasausage * -

Hmmm...must get a drum machine. Indeed. Wel, I was hoping Clarence would appear, but instead it's Keynes and that one that sounds like Haiku. Malheureusement, on dois poppez out to do some very un-lillylike toiling now, and so I'll add this brief REM statement - countries is boats, sea-level is global money, national economies are deckchair arrangers since sovereign nations have become subordinate to the globalised market. What a dull phrase.

The clever man invented the chip, so that money was one step away. And one step is hard for a human. Three would be incredible. Gadewch i ni weld how many steps to force-starve an African from here, and feel innocent, or even benevolent.

The diffusion of responsibility is the most dangerous of perceptional delusions, and anyone using a traded currency is playing at the table. How much money you are responsible for reflects how much you are responsible for. Yes.

Iesu Mawr!....It's those two I mentioned earlier! -

Haiku:- Actually I sound more like kayak I seem to remember now -

REJ:- Wel, I'll call you Rose anyway -

Keynes:- Hahaha! Mr. Pink! -

REJ:- And you can be Royale with cheese. Off you go -

Rose:- I think we should save up and build a dam. -

Royalewithcheese:- I think we should borrow and build a dam. -

REJ:- Splendigedig! Only the dam's 1% the height of the tide. Who said default is ok? Idi Amin's seismologist. -

*tumbleweed* -

REJ:- Hmmm....Wel, economics is boring, and we all know deregulation of global finance and the IT revolution has caused the flow of capital to rise from $80 billion a day in 1980, to $whatevertrillion today. Thus fucking long term investment etc bla. etc. Christ it is dismal.

*****one last drivel economics tome to read****

Thursday, 18 August 2011

Poem for the day

Ah yes. Must open those letters. Hmmm...let's try this one marked 'B'. Oooh! It's a 1 and a 3. Nawrte, I'm riding my bicycle, as you had probably guessed from my bell - *ting!* - there it is again if you missed it earlier - and while I'm riding, I'm typing. I only hope my laptop doesn't run out of ink.

The gwynt is in my hair, the sky is 'tween my ears, and the graphics boys have done an ardderchog job with the scrolling, even keeping the sun at effective infinity. The trees are whispering by smoothly, and my route is alive! Lined with living, breathing, hoof-ed hedgerows, those fallen clouds, those bleatsome-cotton sages of the - Oooh! look out Emmanuel Jones! there's a split pair. Now what was that old country rhyme?....have to make it up quick....

If you see a lamb and ewe
Either side the road from you
And you're wondering what they'll do
It's lamb to ewe, ten times to two.

REJ:- But it's only half-past -

*ting!* *ting!!!* *BAA!!!* *Ooof!* *tng*

REJ:- Shepherd's delight. Wel, that's enough ethological rhyme for one day. Let's be back home and writing a pome for Sioned instead. That should shut her up about that job. Nawrte...hmmm....she likes the newyddion....ok, go the first -

A rioter in Clapham Junction
Had a todger that just wouldn't function
His wife went out looting
Ann Summers in Tooting....

...truncheon. Yes. No! That's a sosban for sure...what was the other thing they liked? Ah, of course, ponies. Go the second:-

A man with a pony and trap
Found a fossilised dinosau....

Diawl! think now, Jones bach...Aha! flowers! Da iawn. They always like flowers. Ok go the third:-

Fuschia bells, fuschia bells
Watching o'er embraceful dells
Sweet as so the air to sing
Chime delicious blossom ring

The bluebell bows, the cowbell cows
The fuschia hangs umbrella boughs
And reigns as if a frozen breeze
Was melted warm by summer ease
So softer than the resting seas
Caress sands silting Neptune's pleasure
Fuschia is my love, my treasure.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Hedonistic sustainability

Now if you have your own windmill, your electric is free. But if you have lots of windmills, economies of scale means your electric goes up. Yes. The teletubbification of Wales would seem then to be a mistake. Nothing is often the wisest thing to say, and always the greenest thing to do. Apart from composting yourself. But people prefer doing things, and the doctrine of intelligent laziness will never catch on. Somethingmustbedone. As Gandhi said 'Be the change you want to see in the world'. So, nappies on, and sitting comfortably thinking about salt, let's see who comes through the catflap today.'s a chihuahua. Now that is silly -

Chihuahua:- A Great Dane would be silly -

REJ:- Scooby don't. Nawrte boys, Malthus has been wrong every year since 1798. So the odds are he's going to be right soon. That's why I buy scratchcards -

Ch:- Correct. Things are hotting up, Richard, and the time is upon us. But let's look at alternative alternatives. Since the non-alternative alternatives are a bit old hat. -

REJ:- The ceiling's yours -

Ch:- Diolch. All this I have seen. First, smart bacteria, augmenting nano-gnats, will inject hyperphotosynthetic tattoos onto Australians. This will mean kangaroos can be burnt for fuel -

REJ:- That doesn't sound particularly green -

Ch:- Ha! I suspect you stumbled over my use of the word 'burnt' -

REJ:- Maybe, maybe not -

Ch:- You've no idea have you? -

REJ:- I might have -

Ch:- Have you? -

REJ:- No.

Ch:- In the future, the word 'burnt' means 'incorporated into over-unity cyber-hamster-balls'. But 'burnt' is shorter. -

REJ:- Even language will be more efficient! -

Ch:- Yes. Now the overunitycyberhamsterballs will raise the solar net-wire into space - wireless of course -

REJ:- Lighter that way -

Ch:- And the solar radiation will be refocussed on the betattooed Australians. You see how it all fits together, Gaia-style? -

REJ:- What happens when you run out of kangaroos? -

Ch:- Well, you move on to Arabs and camels. And adjust the net-wire. -

REJ:- Hmmmm...ok, what's next? -

Ch:- We drill baby drill, deep into the earth. But first we build a chimney into space. More of a lift really. Built by -

REJ:- Smart bacteria -

Ch:- Yes. And the half-vegetable people.

REJ:- Wel, they'll get bored out in the sun all day. What happens when the earth's empty though? -

Ch:- Way ahead of you. That's what it means to be a futurologist. Neuronanogenosuper fish are evolved up a gradient to desalinate the oceans. And spit it onto the Sahara, a bit like those spitting fish. Hang on a mo, I think they'll fly as well. -

REJ:- Jolly good -

Ch:- Yes. The Sahara will bloom, fix the CO2, and create ideal habitat for Kanga-camels. Yes, that's it -

REJ:- No flying cars then? -

Ch:- We're doing the future. Canada will be turned into wire by eletransmutation, and the empty core of the earth filled with a coil. The magnetic poles will be raised on scaffolding, I know a good firm, and I've forgotten how a dynamo works. But in the future people will know. And probably do something like that. I'm not Faraday, I'm a chihuahua. -

REJ:- Anything else? -

Ch:- Smart lions, with smart bacteria on their tongues, will lick cows and turn methane into water. There might be some intermediate steps there, but nothing to trouble a biochemist of the future. I feel sure -

REJ:- What about neuroxeno-luminescent jelly-mice?

Ch:- Well, the rule of the future is you can make more than you can imagine. That's until the further future, when you can imagine more than you can make. Although you'll no longer be you. You'll be something else.

REJ:- I hope I don't make it.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Poem for the day

Nawrte. I've conceived. The experiment is that telephones can't be invented. You'd only hear an imperfect copy later, and no one would be fooled by that. Let's see if the pizza arrives.

Wel, heddiw we have what I like to call, a schizophrenic confessional. It's me pretending to be someone else, pretending to be insane, but not very well. We may as well give him a name - just pick two odd Welsh ones. That's him. Take it away, him that is not me!

HTINM:- Diolch. Here is my pome. What is a sign of a healthy noodle.

Three cats, a dog, and a strawberry fool
All hitched a ride on a five-legged mule
And off they went to the magical school
Where bees teach honey and fan the class cool
On a platform hexagonal floating in gruel.

The lessons were long and the summer was short
He added up all of the things they'd be taught
With particular heed to irregular thought
And the time it takes felines to contemplate nought
Though some claimed it pointless, vast fleas were there caught.

The fleas fed the birds as they leapt in the sky
And the ground fed the trees as it breathed with a sigh
And we all ask the bees when we want to know why
So the dog and the strawberry felt they should try
But the cats dwelt on nothing that money can't buy.

If only the spiders attended as well
For a spider's an ant with a self-diving bell
And our only known conduit twixt heaven and hell
The octofoot psychopomp crawling to tell
With a feardom personified tolling the knell.

So what does this mean? is the question you ask
That self-betterment's always an onerous task
And most frightening of all is behind of the mask
Where the mind in its nakedness shocks from the cask
And reality's made as unreal as damask.

REJ:- The pizza has arrived!

Sunday, 14 August 2011

The Wasteland

Cludgie-anagram T.S.Eliot famously measured his life in spoons. But is there more to life than cutlery? It's a difficult answer. So let us, with a gladsome mind, move on to late-night shopping. Late-night shopping. I'll never understand it. But maybe reflex ejaculations from our finest thinkers - Starkey aside, since I need at least one hand behind my back to bother - can explain. And if I just randomly magick them in and out, it will be far less effort to write. I find them boring too.

Wel, everyone wants to appear first. We could order them by cliche I suppose, or we could go for a linear narrative, with a repetitive stealth-refrain under the thinkdar, or we could be made of electrons, and take the path of least resistance. I've never been in such an excited state, so subject to spin.

So, any order it is. I'll correct them later I yawnise.

Archbishop of Beardbury:- *Wrrrriiiiing!!!*

REJ:- Lovely Welsh Rrrrrrrrs, I use my tongue -

AOB:- Sharia is more hands-on. -

REJ:- Straighter than Ernie Wise -

AOB:- Two men in a bed. I think lots about that -

REJ:- Nawrte, sense now boys bach. Is there any way, any way at all, any possible justification, any possible excuse, any etc, that you should be paid £400 a day? -

AOB:- The hat's heavy -

REJ:- Hmmmm...

AOB:- The stick's unwieldy -

REJ:- er...

AOB:- You've worked it out on a five-day week. I only do Sundays -

REJ:- How much is the rent? -

AOB:- Fuck off.

REJ:- As a hangover ensures a continuous steady improvement in circumstance, so we have our next enguestulation. And if it's not Mr. Potato head with his angry eyes, then I'm Geert Wilders -

Pat Condell:- I think it's religion. Muslims mostly. Desert god. I'm very brave. Wibble, wibble -

REJ:- Be some sore wrists in the morning! -

PC:- Blessed are the peacemakers. That's me. Peace. -

REJ:- Sioned says I musn't say twat. Or Norwegian fan. Hmmm....I suppose that does sound rude too. Ok, who's our next verbal bulimic? -

David Eton:- Let's be absolutely tanned. This is criminality. This is not like taking drugs at Eton. -

REJ:- It's funny reading Orde -

DE:- The lieback has begun. My punishment was exclusion from society. Suspension from Eton. For a bit. I Kill Libyans. But why do some people find violence exciting? They are, quite wankly, sick. -

REJ:- We should track them down -

DE:- Tuscany's nice.

REJ:- 340 dead coons in 12 years and no cops jailed. Right, lets not play the race card. Keep your mind above your navel. Ok who's next to vomit? -

Nick Griffin:- The colour-coding system has been completely messed up. You can't tell who the goodies and baddies are until they open their mouths -

REJ:- Yes, I just noticed -

NG:- And -

REJ:- No, you're only worth one line. And that was like tennis against Hawking. Shall we crank it up a bit? -

NG:- Keep it simple. Supreme persons aren't so quick -

REJ:- Wel, for reasons of spatio-temporal constraints, and boredom, lets have one anyMP -

OneanyMP:- The problem is the three R's. Reading, 'Riting, 'Rithmetic, and 'Respec'. Some of these people can't even count. We need better sums in our schools -

REJ:- If £3.50 gets you 6 months, what does £20,000 get you? -

OneanyMP:- A duckhouse.

REJ:- As Hazel Blears says, we must apply the full farce of the law. But let's ignore her, and go instead to Boris Hairbrush -

BH:- Thankyou. Yes. Good point. Yes. Well you're always trying to make me look silly. Yes. Good point. Sticks. Yes. -

REJ:- Now Boris, I feel you may be the last of the easy targets before we do something deeper, so maybe you could say something silly, and blame it on me -

BH:- Yes. Good point. I understand. I don't like eggs. Now I think we need to hear a little bit less about economics. Looting is never about economics. Look at how many libraries were looted -

REJ:- No libraries -

BH:- Good point, well done. Yes. But - Can I talk to some volunteers? Are you a volunteer? This is the true Blitz spirit. When burglaries went up. Although you may have bought into the myth. Good point. etc. -

REJ:- Bedknobs and broomsticks. Wel, baseball-bat sales are up 5000%. Hang on a mo, I've become an intrepid reporter. Like Tintin. -

*earpiece!...find me a muslim....I've got the 2 day old fire in a loop....*

REJ:- Better do as I'm told. Like an economic-determinist. Not that that's plausible. -

REJTintin:- Helo, Mr. Muslim. Now I underknow your son was killed last night. You must be very angry. Look at these flames -

MrM:- No, I'm just sad. I think the violence should stop -

REJT:- But, your son was brutally killed. You must be calling for Jihad, like it says on the TV:-

Mr.M:- I'm sorry, but I refuse to integrate -

*earpiece! Get a proper Mooooslim or I'm fired*

REJT:- There aren't any. Hundreds can do this, and there are millions of moooooslims here. What a hack. I blame the parent company.

*Tintin to the crab aux pinces d'or!*

REJ:- Wel, we could take some vox pops, or we could deny anecdata. It would be worth it for a play on words. People could feel clever. Let's do the vox pops tomorrow, as I'm finding it tedious. Instead for now, let's have an expert on shoppingology, Dr. Adverts de Spaz:-

Dr.AdS:- Enchante! -

REJ:- Nawrte, Dr.Adverts de Spaz, many people find it puzzling that many people don't find it puzzling that intrinsically valueless bollocks-tat can have such a high value. In the minds of Spazzes. Like you. -

Dr.AdS:- And me. You'll have to start the refrain soon if you want to call it such. Anyway, Pavlov is dead.

*drrrrrriiiiiing! Beepity beep!*

Dr.AdS:- Excuse me. That's my new Twatphone. Tetra-phonic touch-tool. Would you like me to extol the virtues of my extended-phenotypical glintzy-magpie tinsel-bauble that have somehow become my own virtues, in my own mind, and that I feel an urge to proclaim, in your own too? -

REJ:- Not really. When I vomit on my keyboard I don't ask for the clap. -

Dr.AdS:- Yes but this is me. I don't have anything else. My job is to convince you that you don't either -

REJ:- It is very shiny -

Dr.AdS:- Do you want it? Do you want it Sir? Do you want it? There's a bird fingering it. Do you want it? Do you want it Sir? -

REJ:- Fast cars. Now before the deepity stuff, lets have Dr.Bendi. To say something silly. Just because he's feeling left out. And some not-joiners-in have felt so left out they've typed for days.

Dr.B:- Whoop! Whoop! This is how it is. Yes. Whoop. A feel is a reveal. Yes. A revelation. You can't help your reveals in advance unless you know you can. Whoop etc. Actions are feels travelling back to homeostasis. Convoluted. All in the balance. Now my hierarchical inference machine - that's him - says it with scales. Lower in the hierarchy must be greater weighting to overcome higher thoughts. Higher thoughts are post-hoc dulls. The bigger the flame beneath one scale, the bigger the flame 'neath the other must be. Ted Haggard.

REJ:- Wel, let's meet some normal people. They are the experts on abnormal people. Let's ask them all how much they plunder/earn from their own community. And see if they will admit it, or plead 'none-of-your-business'. - as if they knew it, but were ashamed.

1stnormalperson:- None-of-your-business. Anyway, I worked hard for it. Just look at me. I could run a marathon with a hod of bricks on my back. Look how hard I've worked.

REJ:- An intellectual, I think. What price ideas? -

1np:- None-of-your-business. These people are animals. Destroying their own businesses. That are none-of-their-business -

REJ:- No point if no one gets it. Let's try a lower gear -

2ndNormalperson:- These people have everything. So there is no excuse. Look at Somalia. There is no excuse for my middle class depression. Feels real though -

REJ:- Perhaps a big fire would make a clearer point. Albeit inarticulate -

BigFire:- Hello. I am a bigfire. See my fingers dance! You find me exciting don't you? -

REJ:- No, I'm far above that. Not! Lol. I'm down with the kids! -

Entrepreneur:- Hello. I own ten houses, and three were burnt down. I think I should have their housing benefit cut so I learn about theft.

REJ:- If you gotta ask, you'll never know -

3rdNormalperson:- I'm going to pick up on what you said earlier. I blame the parents. Now, we haven't made the parents. That's a crucial point. Children do. Years are long aren't they? The problem is in the home. Homes are nothing to do with economics. But if the childrens were paid £50grand a year and given two houses at least, they wouldn't fiddle their expenses. -

REJ:- Louis Armstrong -

4thnormalperson:- I just don't understand it. And if I really don't, then it won't happen again. Can we swap them for Norwegian kids? -

REJ:- Whatever.

Monday, 8 August 2011

Pome for the day

Savage noble Iago Prytherch, has manifested in here ntly to enpoemfy, in his disgusting whiney-grating North Walean accent - a bit like scouse, for some reason that is unclear to anyone. But I think it's safe to dismiss him. I'd rather be a wog than a gog. Actually, I'd rather be a dog. I could drink out of toilets and be happy. Unfortunately, he says he won't go until he's said it. But they're not addictive.

How nice to be a flutter-by
With compound brain and fractured eye
And ne'er the flit to wonder why
But just respond to stimuli
How nice indeed, not nice at all
But not for long before the fall.

The wind is like the sea but thin
The flutter-by is thicker in
Its arms command the desert djinn
And waves upon the lands of sin
Now every being surely knows
The flutter-by will come to blows.

So flotsam on the ocean fears
Pass through this vale of telomeres.

REJ:- Perhaps 20Mg more.

Sunday, 7 August 2011


REJ:- Dear Powys County Council. It has been a long struggle -

Paperclip!:- Hello! It looks like you're trying to write a psychopathic manifesto. Would you -

REJ:- I will in a minute you little -

Paperclip!:- Would you like to play monopoly? -

REJ:- SIONED! There's something wrong with ffenestrations nawdeg pump again! -

SIONED:- What do you want me to do? -

REJ:- I want you to fix the operating system. That's an IT term. -

SIONED:- Ok go to Start -

REJ:- Start -

SIONED:- My computer -

REJ:- My computer -

SIONED:- Dull fucker in mirror -

REJ:- I wonder if I can break the fourth wall in 2D. I can. Mirror neurons on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Snow right. Now the digital age is upon us. 6 billion base pairs in a locust. I prefer Vinyl. Sioned has been improbably Mcafee'd away and instead I've downloaded Mr. Prysor ap Plasma, he of the committee for the erection of public monuments. Prysor ap Plasma! Croeso i that real place but with one letter mutated! -

PAP:- Diolch.

REJ:- Wel you've kissed the Blarney stone -

PAP:- The locals wee on it -

REJ:- Don't believe everything you hear. Just the exciting things -

PAP:- Was there some reason you downloaded me? Or were you just browsing and got distracted? -

REJ:- I have free will and take responsibility for my pixels -

PAP:- And so you should. Because thought-crimes are action-crimes and you can be jailed for it. And rightly so. Symboltastic. Now the power of symbols cannot be denied. While you accept people are vampires, great caution must be exorcised in the erection of symbols. -

REJ:- The glorious undead -

PAP:- They did not undie in vain -

REJ:- Except when they did.

PAP:- Now as everybody knows, the population of Britain dies every year -

REJ:- They must be fed up -

PAP:- But temporal constraints make it difficult to organise which to feel sad about in what order -

REJ:- If only someone could tell us -

PAP:- Perhaps stones can. I'm joking of course. They can. Now short-cuts to base emotions are always helpful -

REJ:- Yes, superstimuli give the clearest thoughts -

PAP:- Correct. We need only look at Austrians protecting stones but killing people -

REJ:- I feel big hats may be important too -

PAP:- Yes, plastic flowers even more so.

REJ:- Really? plastic flowers? -

PAP:- If they're the right colour. People are not bulls, Richard, they're not colour-blind. Apart from the ones that are -

REJ:- I'm sure that meant something -

PAP:- Tell me the secret of man's red fire -

REJ:- What are you? Some kind of ape?! -

PAP:- No, a fallen angel. Let's get back to the masons. Anyone who forgets plagiarism is doomed to repeat it -

REJ:- Wel I've heard of Americaland, since my teachers told me Madog discovered it.

PAP:- That's correct. It hadn't been there before.

REJ:- And I heard it was a melting pot. Where Indians were melted -

PAP:- Don't call them that. Imagine how that would feel. Worse than melting -

REJ:- I thought trivialising it would make them feel better -

PAP:- You must be more careful, since signals depend on their receivers -

REJ:- Are the receivers mutable? -

PAP:- Oh yes, remotely even. And they've left themselves open source.

REJ:- I'm afraid my attention span is driven by a return to homeostasis watt steam governor in molecular form, tuned to frivolous, and I've just seen a squirrel -

PAP:- That's ok, I can ressurrect you with a cross.

REJ:- I doubt you could. Who's putting up a cross, the dull fuckers! -

PAP:- Some civil engineers in earth-land -

REJ:- Well I have a strong feeling about this one way or the other. Steel is magnetic.

PAP:- Metaphorically, yes. It can talk too. But what should it say? -

REJ:- I'm not sure. Would it not depend on the hearers? -

PAP:- Of course, but knowing what the hearers hear, what should it say? -

REJ:- Well if no one hears it -

PAP:- Look who gathers around to hear it.

REJ:- Look at it! Look at its silly tail!

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Aberfan and the sins of man.

London, 2012. No! I haven't perfected the time travelling yet, no. Maybe I will in the future, and then I can do it now. Indeed some of me can't even manage 60 minutes an hour. I'm always a little bit behind, but mainly in synch with my predators. So that's all da iawn. Yes. But it's the Olympics it is, and Iesu Mawr!, we are certainly not bored of it already. Legacy. That's what it's all about isn't it? It is the highest honour, for our English friends across the border, to have successfully won the most deprived place in europe competition, narrowly edging out the snail-chasing, goose-torturing, plongeurs down and out in the black economy of gay Parr-ee. That, and someone pressing the wrong button and losing his bribe at the voting.

Wel now boys bach, Sioned has left early today as there is an important debate down the Merched y Wawr, on the topical motion 'Is having no legs an unfair advantage in running?'. It's going to take a while apparently and so I've popped out - *pop!* - there it was....and *pop!*....that's me back in, - at Aberfan, scene of an horrific disaster to be talked about globally with all the clarity and perspective of the intertexts.

With me for my background to the story, is candle-in-the-dark Dr. Dafydd ap wetpants, Professor of Women's thoughtology at University of Cymru college, Llanbedr-pont-Steffan. Where they do the important humanities. Like what Grayling does but a tenth of the price. Or you could stay at home and do the OU. Dr. ap Wetpants! Neis i weld chi....i weld chi...neis!!! -

Dr. ap W.:- Bore da.

REJ:- Gem da, gem da. Gadewch i ni have a gweld at the old scoreboard! -

Dr. ap W:- ?

REJ:- Cuddly tegan! hahaha! or as they say, lol. I was being Sir Bruce Forsyth, but in Welsh.

Dr. ap W:- Why? -

REJ:- I don't know. But there must be some explanation for him.

Dr. ap W:- In my paper on the connotive and denotive semiotics of 'The Generation Game', I espoused the -

REJ:- Half past two. Nawrte, the history of the minings. Sioned says that in the olden days, when everything was in black and white, girls used to be miners. She's a twpsyn isn't she yes? -

Dr. ap W:- No, I'm afraid it is you who are the twpsyn as you put it. They did indeed used to be miners. Although it was very hot work underground, and they did it topless. -

REJ:- What do you mean, topless? -

Dr.ap W:- Well, with their charlies out.

REJ:- Are you sure? -

Dr. ap W:- Yes, I'm certain. Have a look at this photogram -

REJ:- it's well thumbed -

Dr. ap W:- Such is the nature of thorough research.

REJ:- Indeed. But did this not cause any interfractions? -

Dr. ap W:- These were simpler times, Richard, and simpler people. More innocent, childlike really. It wasn't their fault - they didn't know any better -

REJ:- Primitive indeed -

Dr. ap W:- And with all that coal dust, they even looked like darkies -

REJ:- Like on the Discovery channel! -

Dr. ap W:- Exactly, Richard. Jugs out everywhere, and no one responding correctly. It was only when Queen Victoria signed the 'Devil's Dumplings' act of 1862, that men began to have appropriate naughty thoughts. About Women's jubblies.

REJ:- What kind of thoughts? -

Dr. ap W:- Disgusting ones. You couldn't imagine -

REJ:- I could try -

Dr. ap W:- No. It would be offensive. In thirty years of studying Wimmin's thoughtology -

REJ:- *click!...delete history!* -

Dr. ap W:- That's better. Now the naughty thoughts is not there -

REJ:- 2 years too late -

Dr. ap W:- Well suppress them now. It makes for better behaviour. In my study 'Naughty thoughts is not real, and there aren't birds who has them', I successfully -

REJ:- Twenty to six. Nawrte, back to the mining. So the topless tunnellers got banned? -

Dr. ap W:- Yes. It was a disaster not happening to wait. There then followed the Church of England General Synod's ruling of 19somethingelse, led by His very Reverend Sidney of James on the objectification of onanistic orbs -

REJ:- Goodness! -

Dr. ap W:- No, badness. Previously, girl's globes had been fictional non-objects, that could pass through walls. etc. But now, as objects, a further problem arose. Namely, that of keeping them in their proper place.

REJ:- You just keep talking and I'll miss the contradictions -

Dr. ap W:- An urgent solution was required. In 19whateverwhen, Sir Wankfirmly de Shaft patented the 'Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder', and so liberated ladies' arms such that they could throw tennis balls badly -

REJ:- They must have been grateful. Not having to lop one off like an Amazonian archer -

Dr. ap W:- You'd think so. But some got womb-hysteria and later set fire to their hooter-holsters -

REJ:- It's a harder subject than I thought -

Dr. ap W:- The hardest. And yet the most important. But try telling that to NASA. The sapphic field trip to Venus I had been planning has all but been ruled out. Lesbianism has dried up. It's official.

REJ:- Well I'm bored already. Have we done Wimmin's history yet? -

Dr. ap W:- Herstory. No we haven't. They got the vote and stopped bad male things like war, and then they stopped worrying about their appearance. Which had been for the males. It was all won at great cost though, and they lost the privilege of white men and child-slaves to go down the mines. And to die on the frontline. And to top themselves at 4:1. And to be disproportionately physically attacked. But they did win on pay. And kept the ubiquitous andchildren suffix that means their deaths are more important. Sort of twice the value of a disposable man. That one's too common to notice though.

REJ:- Did they? - win on pay? I missed the next bit as it was too insidious.

Dr.ap W:- Yes. They're now paid on average as much as short men -

REJ:- Wel, Wel. I suppose they are a bit like short men aren't they? But with norks. Chwarae teg to market forces. They sort things out. But, remembering where we are, we must mention the horrific disaster that sent shockwaves around the world wherever people had nothing to do -

Dr. ap W:- You are refering of course to the Aberfan disaster -

REJ:- Yes -

Dr.ap W: - Well the way to a man's stomach is through his mouth. Or up his arse. Or just cut in. But the way to a mine is down a shaft. I said shaft.

REJ:- Go on -

Dr. ap W:- Not long ago, a terrible thing happened. In a shaft.

REJ:- Please don't use threatening words -

Dr. ap W:- What do you mean?

REJ:- It's parsed over. I realised I did the parsing. But tell of the terrible thing -

Dr. ap W:- Well a terrible thing happened. A gayer was in the lift with a man. A big burly gayer. You know what they're like -

REJ:- Just after one thing -

Dr. ap W:- Yes. But this one was a poet -

REJ:- difficult -

Dr. ap W:- Indeed. And he said 'Drop your drawers, the coffee's yours' -

REJ:- the smooth-talking bastard -

DR. ap W:- And the man said 'No thanks'.

REJ:- Well I can't sleep. What happened next?

Dr. ap W:- Some typing happened.

REJ:- I feel gay-raped -

Dr. ap W:- Your personal dull feeling is important. You can't control it as you are a weak and feeble man. Perhaps you are a cartoon stereotype, and wish to be treated as such. Maybe a mouse could lead you to jumping on a chair and shouting 'Thomas, thomas!'.

REJ:- Well I've been potentially raped at least, surely? -

Dr. ap W:- Well no, you're not involved at all. But don't you feel excited?

REJ:- No.

Dr. ap W:- Willies.