Thursday, 15 September 2011

I'm sorry I haven't a Dragon's Den

Bluelips Humph:- Hello and welcome to I'm sorry I haven't a Dragon's Den, the antidote to business gameshows. As usual, Samantha will be scoring this evening. Incidentally, Samantha has taken up a new hobby, making honey-scented candles. To put on her new furniture. To listen to the Eurovision song contest. On vinyl. The honey is from her own small hive.


She says she's hoping Sven will come with his 12"s and watch her handling her 38 bees during the Greek entry while she gets the honey and wax off the tall boy.

Let's meet the teams. On my right, Theo Peechimspediment and Duncan Jailbird, and on my left, token female sociopath and Thetallone.


Bearded one:- What about me? -

BHumph:- No, you got caught trying to buy a baby for cash. Here is the first pitch:-

Herr Tzinger:- Guten abend. Ich haben ein szuper business plan fur machen ze grossen heaps of geld. Ya. -

Duncan Jailbird:- Are you using Google translate? -

HT:- Ich vollen runnen ein transnational commercial paedophile ring -

Theo Peechimspediment:- What are your last three year's audited accounts? -

HT:- Hier ist ein picture of mein house -

Theo Peechimspediment:- What are your last three year's audited accounts? -

HT:- Du only ever hast ein question dumnkopf -

Duncan Jailbird:- Paedophilia is usually a family business, so ah'm oot. -

Thetallone:- What is your USP? -

HT:- Immunity from prosecution. -

Token female sociopath:- Impressive. How long have you been in this business? -

HT:- 2000 years -

Tfs:- do have first-mover advantage -

HT:- Vatican Crescent! -


1 comment:

  1. "Samantha" is a perfect deconstruction of the bourgoise aging male archeocultural paradigm of crypto narrativity as hinted at in Barthe's seminal study on Stasis, Sexuality and French Polish...erm No sorry. I can't get you out of this one. Norks is one thing but Wax off the Tall Boy....

    Good one!