Sunday, 5 September 2010

The strange case of Dr. Bendi:- part the first, of one hundred.

Descartes presupposed logic, Hume said facts don't exist - and that's a fact, Immanuel - Oooh! - I think I saw one of her films! -

Dr.B:- Just read the card! -

REJ:- Well I've lost my place now. You made me jump -

Dr.B:- You can stop now -

REJ:- Is it charged up enough? -

Dr.B:- You've completely spoilt the intro.....*chhhhnnnn!*....*whir!*...yes it's going now -

REJ:- Can I get off the trampoline? -

Dr.B:- I can't see any trampoline, Richard, so -

REJ:- Alright! alright! - can I get off the dynamotransergorator? -

Dr.B:- What do you say?! -

REJ:- Can I get off the dynamotransergorator os gwelwch yn dda? -

Dr.B:- I've forgotten which of the nine words for yes I should use, so have the Queen's 'yes' -

REJ:- God bless her! -'re not from machynlleth are you? -

Dr.B:- Remember your Popper, Richard -

REJ:- Popper...induction....verisimilitude....I'm not dead....Oooh! you're not.

Dr.B:- We're all dead, Richard, consciousness is an illusion, the perfect illusion, that's why it's not there when you try to find it! Because it's not there! Do the bit about Sam Harris -

REJ:- Descartes...Hume....Popper....Sam Harris -

Dr.B:- *snort!*

REJ:- Why did you put Sam in there? -

Dr.B:- Part comedy, part cruelty. You'll see more of my parts later -

REJ:- Indeed. I already have inthought. Now Sioned said something about not letting you in -

Dr.B:- Words of wisdom, Richard, words of wisdom. I'm high as a kite! and my string is taught and fraying! may snap!....whoop! whoop! beautiful tail!....look at the ribbons!...I'm soaring! beautiful tail!....dancing in the sky!...-

REJ:- Yes well you can stay as long as you don't say anything silly. Sioned said you might say something silly -

Dr.B:- There's no danger of that! None whatsoever. As a matter of fact I was going to talk about numbers -

REJ:- Numbers? - well that sounds -

Dr.B:- Yes numbers. Numbers and ghosts -

REJ:- hmmm...

Dr.B:- There are only 3 or 4 people in the world, Richard, ten at the most -

REJ:- Just carry on. I'll wait until you run out. I hate it when she's -

Dr.B:- And 6 billion of them -

REJ:- That's more than ten! -

Dr.B:- No, that's one. And six billion of them think they are ghosts. -

REJ:- Just keep going....Sioned be back soon -

Dr.B:- Six billion think they are ghosts!...WOOOO!...I'm a ghost!...WOOOO!....look at me!....I'm a ghost!!!....WOOOO!!!...I'm a magic man!...WOOOO!!!....I'm a magic lady!.....WOOOOO!!!...I'm a -

REJ:- Iesu Grist! - bloody Tescos twoforonebogoff isn't it Sioned?!...then she'll be talking to the check out merched, then she'll be talking to the bloody wrong number on the phone for half an hour...then -

Dr.B:- WOOOO!!!....People thinking they're ghosts Richard!....WOOOO!!!!....ghosts!!! -

REJ:- *...'in case of emergency strike head with this'...* *clunk!* -

DR.B:- Diolch! Yes as I was saying, there are dualists among us. Dualism is the default and wired-in position of children, Richard, and for a very good reason -

REJ:- And what is that? -

Dr.B:- They are stupid! Yes! magic or machines, machines or magic. That is what we are, us humans. And we're a bit old to be believing in magic aren't we Richard? -

REJ:- We are. What?! - it's not magic to believe you're...I mean - machines!!'s it! - what about the transcendence?. You gopping-minga-mong! -

Dr.B:- Well it's not very transcendent is it? - can't transcend the smallest cut in the wire can it? lol! - as the young people say. I believe I may have just pwned you Richard. Although I'm not quite sure what that means -

REJ:- Yes was nice of you to call -

Dr.B:- And that means we are machines! And machines can be fixed Richard! Within the physics of our spacetime! And we shall have immortality! for the drivers at the level of the self are trivially simple! and we know them personally, and we can't know future technology, but we can know what we shall try to do! However silly! However stupid the drivers of the program are! Because they are evolved for a different environment! Yet the biological bible shall be obeyed! chapter and verse! - become as gods we shall answer our own prayers! -

REJ:- *text!* *Sioned!!! get back here and get this nutter out of here!* - *ok - if they really are 8 part-baked croissants for the price of four....go onlinephone and check Asda's price...* -

Dr.B:- Now, immortality shall be the death of us, the death of humanity -

REJ:- You're talking to yourself now space-cadet! la-la-la! Richard can't hear you! -

Dr.B:- Well then, as that doesn't matter - the end of humanity being far from a nihilistic view...-

REJ:- la-la-la! -

Dr.B:- I shall tell you instead of Dr. Bendi's marvellous theory of mind. And how it works. And how it is trivially manipulated. And how there are only 3 or 4 or tenatthemost in the world. And how we can manipulate them all. And make everybody happy. And -

REJ:- David Icke! Sam Harris! la-la-la! loony tunes! la-la-la! -

Dr.B:- You mistake me for a stupid person, Richard. Perhaps because of the flashing eyes, the floating hair! -

REJ:- Perhaps because of the floating horseshit! - tell me then of your theory of mind. And whether you have seen an elephant fly or not. -

Dr.B:- I haven't. That would be incongruent with reality absolute. Yet not ruled out before spacetime. Before physics, when there was no physics. When there was no where. When there was no when. Do you know how probability works outside of spacetime, Richard?

REJ:- She must be back soon...-

Dr.B:- There exists, in every normal person, two genies. The -

REJ:- Jesus Christ!!! -

Dr.B:- The Goethe-magic genies. Now the bad genie must be uncorked, and vented to atmos, and diffused and defunct....and the good genie must be kept bottled, yet released -

REJ:- wibble! - you said there was no such thing as ghosts! -

Dr.B:- I'm being metaphorical! -

REJ:- I've heard that before! -

Dr.B:- And released geared through the cogs and chains of constructive reason, with the Watt steam-governer of scepticism, yet the fiery belly of passion, while outside all remains a purposeless collapse into chaos -

REJ:- Time to go I think! - *click!* - *slam!* -

Dr.B:- Oooh! it's dark!...anyway, the steamoflife zest good-genie must be channeled through the switches of the delta of the mind thought-river, which can be considered as bifurcating steam-valve-decision-rivulets, and the switches are transloadable with the weighting of the zip-memes. The zip-memes are...


  1. I feel very much like I did when I was 4 and watched the Norwegian children's programme "Pompel og Pilt": scared, confused, but eagerly awaiting the next episode.

  2. I think I know how Richard feels! But I agree with Oystein even though I have no idea what Pompel og Pilt" might be like.


  4. I think the glitter is coming off my eyes...