Wednesday, 28 July 2010

A brief history of mime.

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REJ:- Sioned! It's just not going to work!

Bore da pawb! That is the last and only time I listen to Sioned's suggestuals. Pardon her me? - ok the second last time. That looks a heavy sosban if you get my meaning. But enough of conjugal bliss and ticklings - heddiw we have a very exciting visiguest in our midst - a man you very well might have indeed have heard of, although I can't do his font yet. However, if I could it would look like that computer data one from the decade that Wales forgot, - the 1980s.

Sioned informs me that my interviews have become somewhat of the erratic and has created for my enreadment and enunciment a handy list of questions for the universal application of. These are the questions the Merched y Wawr want to hear asked, and then answered, as they do their close-harmony knitting and Methodist jam-stirring. She says. So without further to do may I lead the choir in batonning a hewge-massive Llanfihangel-y-Creuddun croeso to Mr Professor Stephen Hawkings!

REJ:- Mr Professor Hawkings! Croeso indeed warmly, and before we get to Sioned's questions, I have been doing my own research in conjunctivitis, using the interwiki mobilenet down my dongle. It says there here that you were the George Lucas professor of mathemagics at Cambridge Polyversity, and that you were given the same chair as the man on the banknotes! Sir Isaac of Newtown!

SH:- H-a-w-k-i-n-g.

REJ:- Yes that's right professor Ditchkins! And indeed to goodness me, if it isn't a most marvellous chair too. Sir Isaac must have been a veritable whizz with the 'lectrics - it's better even than Nancy Price Brynheulog's -

SH:- H-a-w-k-i-n-g. I- h-a-v-e- n-e-u-r-o-m-u-s-c-u-l-a-r d-y-s-t-r-o-p-h-y-. T-h-e- c-h-a-i-r- -

REJ:- Well what doesn't kill you makes you stronger my Auntie Bethan always says -

SH:- I-'d- l-i-k-e- t-o- s-p-e-a-k- t-o- S-i-o-n-e-d- p-l-e-a-s-e- -

REJ:- Duw! Well you're a fast one Jim Hawkings aren't you boy?! The stairs got you all warmed up lovely I can see. Sioned has gone down Glyn-the-milk's again, although we've 4 pints in the fridge already! Not too bright is our Sioned I'm afraid - that's three times this week. She won't be back for a while as she goes to the launderette afterwards. I wonder what clothes she'll forget this time! hahahahaha! Diawl twpsyn!

SH:- N-o- l-i-g-h-t- e-s-c-a-p-e-s- f-r-o-m- y-o-u- -

REJ:- Now,now, boys bach chwarae teg! Let's have none of your science, this is a respectable house. What would the Parch drink if he could hear you now? To Sioned's questions without delay! I'll just draw one by random reach out of the flower-pot...aha! 'Can you please give us your favourite impersonations'. -

SH:- I- d-o-n-'t- f-e-e-l- w-e-l-l- -

REJ:- John F Kennedy! no...John Lennon! wait!....Arch duke Ferdinand...oooh no - you would have done the accent...

SH:- I-'v-e l-o-s-t- t-h-e- w-i-l-l- t-o- l-i-v-e- -

REJ:- Kurt Cobain!...Ernest Plath....nod if I'm getting warm...

SH:- Y-e-s- i-t- w-a-s- S-y-l-v-i-a- P-l-a-t-h-. P-l-e-a-s-e- c-a-n- I- go- now-

REJ:- I knew it! I just knew it! It was the sixth thing I thought of! Let's have another one....ooooh...da iawn Sioned!....'Which is your favourite Dr.Who baddie?' - I think I can guess this one! -

SH:- T-h-e- M-a-s-t-e-r-. P-a-r-t-i-c-u-l-a-r-l-y- a-s- p-l-a-y-e-d- b-y- R-o-g-e-r- D-e-l-g-a-d-o- u-p- u-n-t-i-l- h-i-s- u-n-t-i-m-e-l-y- d-e-a-t-h- i-n- 1-9-7-3-. I- t-h-o-u-g-h-t- h-i-s- c-h-a-r-a-c-t-e-r- -

REJ:- Davros!!! Oooh! you are a good sport! I knew it was Davros! -

SH:- I- s-a-i-d- T-h-e- M-a-s-t-e-r- y-o-u- -

REJ:- Yes indeed you did! And your tone hardly changed although I could tell you share my hwyl, my enthusiasm! Davros - the master of the Daleks! And to think Sioned said we would have nothing in common. Yet here we are getting on like a Snowdonia holiday home and the Meibion Glyndwr!

SH:- C-a-n-'t......f-i-n-d-.......r-e-v-e-r-s-e-......-

REJ:- And like I said - what a good sport - chwarae teg! You can't trust what these female-types say can you? Men are from Cnwch-y-Craig, Women are from Eglwyswrw! a truer words was never said. 'Don't ask him to do wheelies...don't ask him to burn donuts in the carpet...for Chris'sake don't mention it's the most unread best-seller since The Bible' - nag nag nag! 'Read some Physics you complete...'. Duw! she's a fiery lady -

SH:- R-e-d- b-u-t-t-o-n-....m-u-s-t-...f-i-n-d...-

REJ:- No time for interactive TV my quadra-coastered friend! In fact we must pressforth the fickle finger of flowerpot fumbling fate to the final question.....aha! - here it is...I have in my hand a piece of paper...

SH:- P-l-e-a-s-e- G-o-d-...i-f- y-o-u- c-a-n- h-e-a-r- m-e-...I- w-a-s- w-r-o-n-g-...

REJ:- Hishhhht now 'ychan! I've got to concentrate for this one -

SH:- P-l-e-a-s-e- G-o-d-...t-h-e- r-e-d- b-u-t-t-o-n-....l-e-t- m-y- f-i-n-g-e-r-s- m-o-v-e- a-g-a-i-n- -

REJ:- Duw! What a mumbler! Ok here we go - are you sitting comfortably? Ooops! - silly me!


SH:- a-h!-

REJ:- 'The existence of gravitational singularities in spacetime are generic features of general relativity, and any blackhole is fully described by the three properties of mass, angular momentum and electric charge. - So far so good! - da iawn Sioned!. - Gamma ray emissions show that after the Big Bang, primordial blackholes form according to four laws of mechanics and thermally create and emit subatomic particles until they exhaust their energy and evaporate. - Oooh I wish she'd get to the point! - If the universe has no boundary in spacetime it is not necessarily closed, indeed by analysis of Big Bang universes, large N cosmology,Yang-Mills instantons and the S-matrix in conjunction with Euclidean quantum gravity I believe I have been able to derive a universal theory of everything...' - Well well boys bach! How about that then? Hasn't she been studying hard with the OU my blodyn! No wonder she comes back from Glyn's so tired! The next bit is too technical for me I'm afraid...lots of squiggles and numbers you know - sums I suppose! And a big 'Grand Unifying Theory of everything' underlined at the end! You wouldn't want to read it would you? -

SH:- S-h-i-t...



  1. He shoots... he SCORES! GOAAAAAAAAALLLLL!

    (Send it to Hawking. He'll get a big bang out of it!)

  2. Another great post. Keep up the good work!

  3. How does he do it? This is so addictive - I just want to keep reading this stuff. Brilliant and so funny it keeps me bursting out laughing at intervals after reading it.

    Please keep going forever. I don't ask much.