Sunday, 10 June 2012


Wel, heddiw we have, via videoconferenceskype, - check for yourselves – you can clearly see the face staring at the screen – we'll have to trust us on what we're looking at the other end – you gotta have faith f faith f faith faith etc – President of the US of Auk, Barack whythefuckdidanyonecarewherehewasborndesperatepunt Obama. Yes. Seeing is believing. Croeso i Lanfihangel-yr-Creuddun, Barack whythefuckdidanyonecarewherehewasborndesperatepunt Obama! -

BOb:- Thankyou, Richard. And may I congratulate you on the occasion of your Queen's remarkable achievement -

REJ:- Diolch. As we say over here in merry olde Englandelande. She breathes like a natural. May I similarly ridiculously congratulate you in return, on the occasion of your achieving your pigmentation -

BOb:- I'd like to thank my parents -

REJ:- Sorri, I failed Biology -

BOb:- Wel, that's why you don't know what races are. Or genders -

REJ:- We had a woman in charge once -

BOb:- Uhuru -

REJ:- William Shatner -

BOb:- That was just a rumour -

REJ:- Anyway, I believe you have been celebrating something else -

BOb:- Indeed yes. Sorry I can't be arsed yankifying my lines -

REJ:- That's quits for Dick van Dyke then -

BOb:- Cor Blimey. Limey -

REJ:- I set fire to my chimney twice. I was typing on the internet and....never mind. What was it you was is the celebrations then? -

BOb:- Wel, further to removing the head of Al Qaeda, we have successfully removed the head of Al Qaeda, and just the other day, we successfully removed the head of Al Qaeda. Thus making it a headless state -

REJ:- One day Obi notsowan, one day. Perhaps when supermarkets can open themselves. Say 24-7, or 7-11. Not 2 hrs later -

BOb:- It's all a game to me! The ace of spades! The ace of spades! The free world rejoices. Britons never never never shall -

REJ:- Work unpaid -

Bob:-Workfair -

REJ:- That's the sound of the men, working on the Ju – ooh- bi – lee -

BOb:- Set phraser to stun -

REJ:- J.K. Galbraith -

BOb:- No, I'm going for growth. That's if it's alright with the people's bank of China that own me -

REJ:- Blue Spanish banks euro 2012. Growth of Al Quaeda by the look of it. Made up name btw – although now adopted fully -

BOb:- Win win, or no deal -

REJ:- Tell that to Noel Edmonds -

BOb:- I'm the one that got him to wear jumpers -

REJ:- D'you think the audience can keep up? I'm past caring. No I'm not – let's slow it down. Tell me again of your achievements -

BOb:- Wel, I've been bombing PakGhanisland -

REJ:- Been there. You almost have my sympathy. It's just I can control my psychotic episodes -

BOb:- That must be nice. Anyway, I haven't really. You see I tell someone else, and they tell someone else, and......*etc*.....and they use a remote -

REJ:- What a droner -

BOb:- And that means no innocents are killed. Apart from arbitrary darkies. Who, a recent survey suggests, don't like Us anyway -

REJ:- The funny fuckers -

BOb:- They also use sneaky tactics like IEDs -

REJ:- Easy to lay, hard to get rid of -

BOb:- Lady Diana landmines -

REJ:- Quite easy to get rid of as it turns out -

BOb:- Wel, you don't want brown heads of state. Look what happens -

REJ:- Germans better. Or a horse's arse even -

BOb:- How could a horse's arsecamilla banquet with psychopathic dictators? -

REJ:- It's more a symbolic role -

BOb:- 60 remarkable years. In that time we've seen a lot of changes. 60 years ago, a plutocracy -

REJ:- It couldn't happen in a republic -

BOb:- Never. So I take it you're a republican? Don't you love your Queen? -

REJ:- Wel, she either did all our war crimes, or did fuck all – just rubber-stamped them through. The Queen could just be a stamp -

BOb:- I've enjoyed our little natter chinwag mary poppins cheerio cheers -

REJ:- Good luck with how history colours you. God Bless America -

BOb:- God Save the Queen -

REJ:- God fuck us, everyone.

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