Freeconomics

Wel, another day, another pound. There's just too many stray dogs. Or I could have said I was getting heavier. As thoughts weighed on my mind. Or I could have just whacked off. Wel, all those are true, and so heddiw let's do the economics. With me today are twoeconomistsagreeing, on account of I have made them up, and maybe someone else later - I haven't seen the end yet. Hang on, I'll scroll down...aha! interesting. Hmmm. No, I won't say. Whodunnit on page 1? Dear God! try mysterious for once.

Now since real economics is boring, I'm going to make it up. Let's pretend we have a closed system. Bound by Space perhaps. Some sort of intragalactic protectionist isolationist state. We'll include the bits of the Sun that get here. Now a quick check of resources. Earth + Sun. Near enough. For now anyway. That's enough Physics.

Now - I like saying now - we'll need some definitions. How about one for wealth creation? wel, a wealth creator would be someone who can make Earths and Suns. And work is distress to the organism. The rest is play. But I digest. Let's play on, and bid a notreallyinterested Llanfihangel-yr-Creuddun croseso i Llanfihangel-yr-Creuddun i twoeconomistsagreeing. Croeso. I Llanfi -

2ea:- Hey we could have a slightly staggered font -

REJ:- You're not here to be clever -

2ea:- Ok let's start with the basics. If GDP quintruples, but population doubles, what does that mean? -

REJ:- I must work harder -

2ea:- That's right, austerity. The more money there is, the poorer you are -

REJ:- Yes. The richer we are, the poorer I must be. er -

2ea:- You're doing well. We've never had you so good -

REJ:- Do some more basics -

2ea:- Ok. If your country is 5% of the market, how much democracy do you have? -

REJ:- 95%? 105%? -

2ea:- Pretty close! It's 5%. Democracy is the opiate of the masses. Free tradem trade freedom. If you try to fuck the market -

REJ:- Yes. What? IMFucked? -

2ea:- There is no such thing as building society. How is the IMF run? -

REJ:- You're supposed to tell me, and I watch the television -

2ea:- Wel, it's one dollar one vote. Now what could be fairer? -

REJ:- Oooh! that's ace! You could buy the running of a poor country and make it grow coffee while they starved! -

2ea:- Fairtrade, chwarae teg. 'South Korea is now run by the US treasury' -

REJ:- Who said that? -

2ea:- A treasurer. Somewhere. That one was tigers, not coffee btw -

REJ:- Wel, let's not bother with any obvious slavery in the majority world nonsense - especially with the passing of Jobs -

2ea:- We see you're ahead of 4 billion in the rich list -

REJ:- Nothing to do with me -

2ea:- If you're not part of the answer, you're part of the cliche. Oooh! let's do slogans. Maybe chants too. Perhaps a rain dance - I mean protest march -

REJ:- Look we're only trying to achieve what the most retarded tribe achieved 50,000 years ago. But with trinkets and less intermittent medicine. And perhaps not the unfortunate out-group anthropophagia -

2ea:- The superstimuli of fickle trinkets brought down the Berlin Wall. That and David Hasselhoff singing 'freedom'. Fashion can't be central-planned -

REJ:- Down the revolution! -

2ea:- Pitchforks or BACS transfer! -

REJ:- Yes I believe we did that in 'the loony lotto'. When we noticed the difference between private and public wealth. And that there was enough private wealth in the UK to give each household a million pounds, in real terms. Albeit parasitic on the slavery of other nations to give the currency value, and leading to infantilism as per Saudi etc. -

2ea:- Or you could just tax the top 10% by 25% and wipe out the national debt overnight. They could repay it after they were dead. etc. -

REJ:- Ah yes, the wealth creators seeintro. But turkeys don't vote for Christmas! -

2ea:- They do if they get presents instead of death. Even though death is the one event at which you're guaranteed not to be present. They're most in favour of it because it would make them richer. But we're being too subtle. Remember who's reading. Only the very intelligent ones will get it -

REJ:- Such crass psychology. Besides that's just one country. We were doing the world. The world doesn't revolve around crass psychology -

2ea:- Some countries are as big as the world once was! In fact, all of them. What can work for one country can work for the world. We like work, it's play -

REJ:- Shall we pretend the audience, both of them, have read Marx and spotted where he went wrong? I mean on surplus value and dialectical materialism, not just psychology -

2ea:- No just about it. If you get two monkeys, and give one more nuts, the nutless one riots or depresses, dying younger either way. Maktub. In or out it goes -

REJ:- I've never seen a monkey give birth to an economist -

2ea:- er...yes. You know, when we were young, all this used to be trees -

REJ:- What happened? -

2ea:- They were pulped to make conservation posters -

REJ:- You're pro recycling jokes anyway -

2ea:- Anyway all this was trees. Yes. Every year there was growth -

REJ:- Wagner -

2ea:- Every year there was growth as each wanted to be taller than the other -

REJ:- I think humans are a lot bit more cleverer than what is trees are is -

2ea:- The treemerican dream. The trunks were pointless. Bid up away like houses. I think I'll call them rents. When I write it as a fairy story allegory for children -

REJ:- epublished of course? -

2ea:- No, no, made in China. Printed on pandas. Now in the dark, far below the canopy, fuck all trickles down apart from the dream. Did you know, Richard, people would rather pay to be poor with a chance of being rich, than -

REJ:- There's a fruit machine in my pub -

2ea:- Let's forget centrally planned then. It can be effective, but never efficient. Now capitalism can be more efficiently destructive too -

REJ:- You're trying very hard not to say 'third way' -

2ea:- No one likes him. That meme's globalized alright -

REJ:- Do the bit about the point when the IMF first achieved taking more money from the third world than it was putting in. That's quite funny. Do the world bank too. Do the private banks. Do the -

2ea:- There's no need, Richard, no need at all. They're auto-didacts, with the information a click away. It is unlikely they will be distracted by pornography and online poker -

REJ:- You missed a joke there -

2ea:- We're homophonic -

REJ:- *click!* Goodness Iesu Mawr me! That's a double dip if ever I saw two -

2ea:- Hmmm. Wel, we'll do the solutions anyway. First, restate the problem clearly. With the clarity of the sociopath. You'll find sociopaths are best at business -

REJ:- I doubt I will, because I'm not looking. In fact you could say I'm fiddling while -

2ea:- Now we don't traditionally agree because of one reason. Two reasons. One reason. Two reasons -

REJ:- ffs -

2ea:- We mean at the macro of course. Micro takes care of itself. Macro macro macro micro -

REJ:- macro -

2ea:- Yes it's an art. So stand back and look at the painting. Perhaps not Lovelock's -

REJ:- Get on with it. In the long run we're all dead. Traditionally -

2ea:- Yes that's the one. The arbitrary stop to the iterations of the models. The other is the models fail since the participeople are rounded off to discrete particles. And weather prediction fails in days -

REJ:- But climate is mere measurement. The clouds could be periodically seeded. Say every forty years -

2ea:- Not while there are 70 money harbours. etc. Like a river flows, surely to the sea -

REJ:- Some things....aren't meant to be. But I can't help falling in love with me -

2ea:- Love is nothing to Bjorn Borg. The largest Sovereign is always going to be smaller than all the sovereigns in the world. While you have artificial Sovereign ships, the titanic bail-outs will always fail, since there is always more sea -

REJ:- It's a race to the bottom! -

2ea:- Quentin Crisp. Yes transnational remerge towards monopoly, and become bigger than nations -

REJ:- I didn't vote for that -

2ea:- Do not pass Go. Voting is very silly. You can vote for cuts or cuts. I hope you haven't fallen for that. Perhaps remove the telescreen -

REJ:- Daisycutter. I can see Wikileeks boy in orange somehow -

2ea:- Now as you can't see a yellow child ingesting lead, it doesn't register -

REJ:- On the Jewish piano! -

2ea:- Ah yes, race. To the bottom. Black bottom, the nigger's got 'em. Did you know half of the black bottoms in britain are now unemployed? -

REJ:- The hot sun makes them lazy -

2ea:- Tings that you li'ble to read in de bible, they ain't necessarily so. Apart from scapegoating -

REJ:- But what if nice people, who do typing, and proper jobs like that, became unemployed? Then it would be serious -

2ea:- Facebook frenzy! Don't worry til they start locking people up for typing -

REJ:- Are you going to do the solutions, or just keep highlighting the problems? -

2ea:- Wel, we wouldnt start from here. But if we had to -

REJ:- In your own time -

2ea:- The light is the first thing to high. Let the shrubs see the light. Peep! Peep! -

REJ:- No, do it properly. Don't be turning into him -

2ea:- Ok. To reiterate, wealth:popn is greater than ever. Malthus is wrong again. Now since technology is exponential, he's going to get wronger at a faster rate. There's a ridiculous amount of jam tomorrow coming. But let's solve it anyway, since it's trivial and you're bored -

REJ:- I'll give you 5 more minutes -

2ea:- I'll take 3. Now we said capitalism was more efficient. And more in tune with everyone being dull as fuck. That saves time. Let's not educate, the software's already written. Now people are as iron filings, and positively magnetropic. It doesn't matter if they think they aren't. There are only 7 people in the world, copied a billion times, still all the copies would fit in a third of Wales. Micro-management is auto-delegated to the mind-vehicles. All markets are rigged, currently by oligarchs. Just change the magnets. All magnets are human-made and thus mutable. By humans -

REJ:- That's 2 minutes! -

2ea:- Split the word capitalism. Remove destructive, keep constructive. Global means global. Freetrade goods & services, stem capital flow. Evaporate hot money. Set transaction tax at the fractional to cancel arbitrage and currency speculation. Remove FPI, keep FDI. Remove rents. Set intellectual property rights to ten years for tech transfer to majority world. And to annoy Cliff Richard. Establish global central bank
a la Keynes. Get your spirit level. It's a modest proposal -

REJ:- No, you took 4 minutes -

2ea:- Whodunnit btw? -

REJ:- No one yet.