Games People Play

Wel, what a nexciting symmetrical persons wholeympics that was, with team GB finishing in the bronze position, a whole minus 17 medals ahead of Russia. And didn't the ladies do well? The fastest running just a bit slower than a man with no legs. Well done girls. With me today is Lord Coe of whateveritwas, that did the logo. Nawrte, Lord of whateveritwas, how do you think the games went?

LCow:- I thought it was a resounding success. I particularly enjoyed the anti-elitism badminton demonstration sport -

REJ:- Do you think it should be included in Rio 2016? -

LCow:- Least certainly, with any team achieving turning up automatically disqualified -

REJ:- Da iawn. Nawrte, lets move back on to the opening ceremony -

LCow:- Yes -

REJ:-  Go on then -

LCow:- Ok -

REJ:- How about now? -

LCow:- Sorry. I was waiting for the gun. Wel, I don't really understand arty types, but it looked to me like a fantastic celebration of British Values -

REJ:- You mean primitive autocracy and criminal assassins? -

LCow:- No, make believe -

REJ:- It wasn't all fiction -

LCow:- Feudal slavery, industrialised globalised slavery, and a bit about the welfare state what we nicked off the Germans. We are good at musicals though -

REJ:- And adverts -

LCow:- Take me to your plesiosaur -

REJ:- Now America once again topped the tables in the couch potato obesity, but do you think hosting this McCola games will conspire team GB at large to continue its trend to weight above its punch? -

LCow:- Undoubtedly. This festival of endeavour porn is all about the legacy that will inspire a nation of scratchcarders -

REJ:- What for you was the best performance in history? -

LCow:- 1936 and Roosevelt snubbing Owens to achieve 'looking bad next to Hitler'. I think that's a record that will stand for a while -

REJ:- Are you staying around to watch the ugly cripples? -

LCow:- Thankfully they're on another channel. I'll just check the viewing disfigures later, and appreciate the tale of humanity.