Sunday, 22 August 2010

Uncle Joe and the faithful glow

Now today we aren't bothering with the intro - you should be able to write them yourselves by now if you've been concentrating at all. Sioned does something, REJ does something, someone from the village does something, and then something happens. Today Stalin happens. So without delay - it's R - E - J!. And Stalin.

REJ:- Hello Stalin! -

JS:- Watcher!... 'choo! -

REJ:- Dostoevesky! -

JS:- Spassiba. It must be the kittens - *hanky!* - I was in the wardrobe by the way -

REJ:- Yes, yes! - we're skipping all were you doing in the wardrobe? -

JS:- It's personal if you don't mind -

REJ:- No!...don't mind at all! do you mean 'personal'?! -

JS:- You know...personal -

REJ:- Have to help me -

JS:- *mime!* -

REJ:- Three words - yes! - first word...sounds like...

JS:- *mime!* -

REJ:- search!...dig!....delve!....sounds like delve!....second word...sounds like...

JS:- *mime!* -

REJ:- bangry!....dangry!....sounds like dangry!.....third word....sounds like...

JS:- *cluck! cluck! peck!* -

REJ:- Delve dangry chickens!!...Delve dangry hens!...

JS:- *excited!* -

REJ:- Twelve angry men! You were watching 'Twelve angry men'! You always liked trials! -

JS:- You got it! - and that didn't look forced at all, Richard. Very subtly done as always. And not a whiff of plagiarism -

REJ:- Just another word for flattery old bean! -

JS:- I understand perfectly! -

REJ:- I think you have to say you went over the allotted time...

JS:- But I seem to have gone over the allotted time, Richard -

REJ:- Well stop beating yourself so hard Stalin, there's not many that could pull off 'twelve angry men' in under two minutes. Not in my wardrobe anyway -

JS:- That's not what Glyn-the-milk told -

REJ:- Let's not fall out, Stalin!....Now I understand you attended the Georgian orthodox seminary -

JS:- You do know a wiki lot, Richard. Yes that's correct. And it was at the seminary that I first learned the power of faith, or the 'glow' as I call it -

REJ:- the glow? -

JS:- Yes the glow - you know the glow - you see it in the moon-faced baptists and the lovers in gorky park - the glow! -

REJ:- I'm not quite following you -

JS:- Don't worry I've got us both covered -

REJ:- And they said you didn't care! -

JS:- If one person says you don't care that's a divorce. If a million people say you don't care that's a statistic. hahaha! I haven't lost it! -

REJ:- The stuffing suits you! -

JS:- Diolch. Yes I learnt that facts are not important. I was always slightly eccentric, perhaps unusual even...people said I was a psychopath -

REJ:- How cruel! -

JS:- People are, Richard, people are. But that was not important either. A psychopath is only one in a million - very lonely - and can't do much at all without the glow. How many did I kill by the wiki way? -

REJ:- Oh millions Joe, millions! - you did really well! -

JS:- Wrong, Richard, sadly wrong. It was only a handful really. Same goes for my Austrian friend. He had the glow too, that boy. I had one testicle more though -

REJ:- Well hold onto that -

JS:- I do! - I think I win overall anyway, if you count my boys he killed - the rules are not clear from the youtube discussions -

REJ:- It is a bit hazy -

JS:- It is....but I wanted to say that the trick is to get others to join in. That was my main point. And the trick is the glow! faith! silly ideas! that is what the seminary taught me. It's amazing what people will believe. There are limits of course -

REJ:- Of course! -

JS:- I doubt for instance you could get people to mutilate their own children's genitals say - just by using the glow -

REJ:- Unthinkable! -

JS:- Yes. People are not that silly. But they are silly enough to get to travel thousands of miles to kill people they haven't met before! - even if it's snowing! -

REJ:- Well, perhaps the formaldehyde -

JS:- No, really! - hear me out! I'm not joking! Just some tunes - singsongs - a bit of dressing up...say things confidently - wrong with confidence! - people like confidence, strong leadership - that sort of thing - we all miss our daddies! -

REJ:- I doubt just that would work -

JS:- Doubt away! I did it! you should hear what I they did! It's hilarious! No need for your google-eyes! I shall tell you now, and you can check it later if you are of a suspicious nature. You realise we can't go on together with suspicious minds. Of course you do! I forget who I'm talking to! - but seriously, Richard -

REJ:- Serious is what I do! -

JS:- They won't see it Richard! That's what I'm trying to say! Have fun instead. I met this peasant down the pub - Lysenko or something - and I told him I didn't like Darwin -

REJ:- Who does?! -

JS:- And I said I was going to stop proper biology being taught in schools. Kill the teachers - that sort of thing...anyway - I said give ush... gis ush...a...gish ush a Russian biology peasant! when I told the bomb boffins they couldn't use Einstein's equations! lol! they said they had to so I said I had to shoot them! it still cracks me up! -

REJ:- And did he? -

JS:- God yes! - ooops! I forgot I wasn't meant to be religious! I just took silly ideas on faith and banned critical thinking. Not religious at all! -

REJ:- Not remotely! -

JS:- There is a difference you see - between a theocracy and a faithocracy.....and a glowocracy -

REJ:- er...yes! -

JS:- Oh I'm glad you're clever enough to see it! I did worry I might be mistakenly remembered as an unbeliever! I believed the most ridiculous shit ever! That would be hilarious if -

REJ:- Rest easy Joe! You are remembered for running the glowfaithocracy you did. No worries there. People aren't that stupid -

JS:- But I thought they were! - you must understand...after what I got them to must see how I might think -

REJ:- No, we've grown up a lot since then - you'd just be laughed at these days -

JS:- Really? - you mean it wouldn't work now? - Let me guess! was the camera things! I knew it! I knew they'd spoil all the killing! You could never get the folks back home, the nice ones, to agree to all of it if they had to see it themselves! - Oh, I'd have to censor the news if I wanted to do it all again today -

REJ:- I'm afraid the media is all free now Joe, governments are not allowed to censor the news anymore - only in times of -

JS:- Shame! I had such fun when people were kept stupid! The acorn forests in Siberia! lol! The miracle harvests! I'm sorry...I've wet myself!...millions starved!...and all those dead evolutionists!....the fittest!...fittest my arse! I shot the lot!...I mean my boys did - because of the glow. I hardly had to do anything! -

REJ:- Indeed. Well as you appear to be nuts, and not fit to run a bath, and more pertinently, as Sioned is coming up the stairs...I must ask you to glow away. Because you are a ffwrch.

1 comment:

  1. A ffwrch? That's not in my "Katherine Jenkins Guide to the Welsh Language" bookette.