Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Culture in Abermawddach

Every nation has it's own uplifting phrases that help define the national character. The French have a term 'Joie de vivre'. The Welsh have a term 'Hwyl' .The English have a term 'Mustn't grumble'. There may be other nations too. Phil the Rimmer is a dream-weaving inventuallist and five-pint thespian Englandian who sought to bring culture to Abermawddach through the medium of Doris Stokes. Since she unfortunately passed over without the 256 character wireless encryption code, Phil switched to a different medium - that of the theatre. He has directed many successful productions over the years despite initial scepticism from the locals - mainly my father - who was also a big Hemingway fan, but had doubts about the upstart Rimmer's modern ideas such as representing every thought with an actor, all on stage at the same time. 'I don't think he can make it work!' said Emmanuel Jones senior to anyone who would listen. But the citizens of Abermawddach were in for a real treat, a performance that has rightly passed into legendhood. The reviewer in the 'Abermawddach advertiser' proclaimed:- 'I think it can be safely said that noone who was there will ever forget the look of at first surprise, then appreciative acceptance on the face of Emmanuel Jones Snr when in spite of his protestations Phil triumphantly pulled off 'The old man and the sea' - men ran everywhere - covering the whole stage to wild applause and everyone could see that Phil the Rimmer had also arrived on the scene.'

REJ:- Phil, I see the recollection of that newspaper article still brings a smile to your face -

PR:- I'm crying inside.

REJ:- Very funny! So Phil when you pulled off -

PR:- Pulled off the old man. Yes I get it. I whacked off your father in front of the whole village. It's still fresh after 37 years.

REJ:- Is it? I thought it died in 48 hours unless -

PR:- I'm a serious inventor. You've had your joke, the whole fucking town's had it's joke. For 37 years. It's the name of a book by Hemingway. I brought an original production to Abermawddach. I thought I could shine a light in the dark lives of the culturally bestarved. I was wrong -

REJ:- Because everybody only remembers -

PR:- Watch it! A man can only take so much...

REJ:- Yes I saw those films too. Was that a body double?

PR:- The dunces are in confederacy against me. That is the nature of genius.

REJ:- Indeed, indeed! Now before you go back to the ward, could you tell us about your latest inventuallistic conception, the clockwork wireless goat tickler.

PR:- I've been saving up the pills....I think now's the time.

REJ:- Sioned! Some water for the man!

Sioned:- Who is it?

REJ:- Phil the Rimmer - the one

Sioned:- the one who pulled off your old man!!! hahahahaha!

PR:- Right that's it! That's the last time I'll be hearing that. Down the hatch! Nos fucking Da!


  1. That actually brings back happy memories, Richard. Thanks!

    It reminds me that once we toured mime versions of famous endings from Shakespeare plays. We had to give it up though...the sheer frustration of not being able to use your mouth to finish off "Two Gentlemen of Verona". I could have wept.

  2. Diolch Phil! And Brysiwch gwella in Bronglais accident and emergency! I trust the ambulance was comfortable. No, I don't know what happened to your wallet, are you sure you had one?

    Yes you were known for your seminal performances indeed. Who among us can forget the Abermawddach eurovision event you organised? My Nan says it was the most exciting thing she has ever seen when you came from behind with the greek entry to finish on top of the germans.

  3. And those that were present certainly enjoyed your 'bottom' in a midsummer night's dream. It made your reputation on the Australian tour - when two of the understudies were ill as well - you had to cope with three large male parts all at once and that certainly made you big Down Under.